Saturday, July 18, 2015


Top o' the mornin to ya !  grab a coffee, and sit right down .. this could get long.  speaking of coffee -- I'll be right back.
ok.. I'm back.  are we ready?  I am.  Coffee always makes me ready.  
actually, this post may be hard to get started.. as if you can't tell.  I have sat here every day , at least once, for the last week and attempted to write.  you all see how well that worked out.   well.  whatever happened to 'blabbathon soul' ?  Back in the day it never mattered what, who, or when, I was 'talking' about -- I sat down, and let my fingers do the walkin'.  ugh.  not now.  those days are long gone it seems.   dear ole facebook, and a few heart aches a long the way -- since 'the ole days' -- have really put a damper on my writing style.  I have become much more guarded in what or how much I'm willing to actually say/write here.  that is something I really hate.  and to be honest -- that is why I don't write here as much - or at all.   I feel very censored.  I'm not.  I know I'm not.  what's the worst that can happen if I write something --- that now feels 'not so PC'?  will the person that I might be wrting about disown me?  well who cares??? chances are --- if I have something that bad to say (which is or would be the TRUTH anyhow) -- then they A- are already out of my life -- or B - should be .   so WTF?    
aaaaahhhh.  the light bulb just went off for you didn't it?  there's someone I want to put on blast.  Is that what you just asked yourselves?  well, you would be right.  BUT --  really... what good would it do?  I could sit here and tell you the story of what happened... what was said before it happened... which is why i was so --- needlessly shocked -- when it did happen.  because I really should have expected it.  and ya know what? i did expect it.  i knew my questions were being evaded... 
oh nevermnd.  
the truth is -- someone just screwed up.  royally.   again.  but i am done.  i will never open myself up to this kind of bs again.  it -- or something like it happens every single time i am around this person.  I just can't and won't do it anymore.  
I thought my mother was dead -- but there is someone in my life who is so very much like her -- the relationship is toxic to me... and  as of a week ago - is now OVER.  She IS my mother incarnate.  I don't need that .  over the years I kept going back to it.. hoping for better.  hoping for change.  just like any other Abusive relationship.  well... NO MORE.  

So -- on the other side of things -- what have I been doing to cope with these things ?  these emotions that all of this crap has stirred in me?  I have become addicted to online auctions!  not ebay -- something better.   well, not really.  it is an addiction.  it's awful for me.  me-- little miss miser... who spends money on NOTHING... ever... is now spending money -- hundreds of dollars a week -- on SHIT.  shit that i intend to re-sell for profit... BUT i haven't listed ONE item to sell.  well -- I have -- and I did make money -- but that was a couple weeks ago ... i started small... at thrift stores... now it's different.  now it's the big time.  the hard stuff.  it's the Crack of 'Flipping shit'.  HELP ME.  I have shit all over my house !  like VCR's, DVD players... technical equipment that I can't identify--I only know that my research showed that if I payed 3.00 -- I could re-sell it for 300.00 ... WHAT is wrong with me?  and where do you think I get this stuff?  I have to go get it right?  yep-- I drive over 100 miles a DAY lately to pick up some of this stuff.  Soulman is going ape-shit.  
The struggle is real.
I'm Soul, and I'm a ass-ahoholic.

But wait. there's more --- there is a vacation in our future .  this much is good.  as long as I stop buying , and start selling some of this crap ....  we will be going to --- most likely California.  (subject to change at any time)  but for now that is where I am trying to plan things.  some time in October -- not too hot- not too cold....  we would fly to LA.. rent a car , then road trip the coast.  go to disney.. redwoods, san diego zoo.. san francisco.. Carmel.. (I have it written down, just can't think of it all right now -- and certainly not in that order.)  but yeh, that would be cool.  
Second choice? Florida-- Third choice -- Hawaii..VERY expensive to go there tho-- so it's prolly a hubby and me on a big anniversary or something.  I have also thought of Puerto Rico-- But all I can say is we are waaaay over due for a vacation.. and this year is the time we are gonna make up for lost time.  we are gonna do it up ! I can't wait!  (we'd be going sooner -- but hubby just took vacation to trial his dog :(

so.  what else is new in Soulland?  some other cool stuff.. I have found a couple cousins on Facebook -- from my dads side -- that I never even knew existed.  we get along great -- and I am glad to have found them.  I would like to plan a visit to go out there (east coast) and meet them.. and my other mck-clan members over there.  I've never met (in person) any of my cousins on that side.  all the aunts I met are 'gone' now.

so... that's about all I have time for right now. I just wanted to check in and get something on these empty lonely pages.  I really don't want to let this blog fade away like the last time.  There is still a shit ton of stuff I want to catch up on in here.  (update on).. that has happened over the last couple of years.  that's a lot of soul-spewing... you know you wanna see it.  I just need to write more, and try to get back in the groove.  i truly think I forgot how to write.  

oh well.  guess where I have to go?  yup -- to pick up auction stuff.  I have to drive 60 miles to pick up one item!  it better be worth it.  I paid 15.00 dollars for this.. it is two calibration gauges... if I play my cards right?? I should be able to turn that into a quick 150.00  -- well IF I get busy and list them for sale.  
Listing this crap is gonna take DAYS.  but if it pays off like I think it will-- it really will be totally worth it.  it's the stress of not knowing that is bothering me.  what if I just threw away all this time and money , for nothing?  it's the gambler in me i guess.  I don't gamble -- but my mom sure did.  

ok.. I better get goin... have some happy saturdays out there in your worlds !
see ya soon.