ok.. I'm back. are we ready? I am. Coffee always makes me ready.
actually, this post may be hard to get started.. as if you can't tell. I have sat here every day , at least once, for the last week and attempted to write. you all see how well that worked out. well. whatever happened to 'blabbathon soul' ? Back in the day it never mattered what, who, or when, I was 'talking' about -- I sat down, and let my fingers do the walkin'. ugh. not now. those days are long gone it seems. dear ole facebook, and a few heart aches a long the way -- since 'the ole days' -- have really put a damper on my writing style. I have become much more guarded in what or how much I'm willing to actually say/write here. that is something I really hate. and to be honest -- that is why I don't write here as much - or at all. I feel very censored. I'm not. I know I'm not. what's the worst that can happen if I write something --- that now feels 'not so PC'? will the person that I might be wrting about disown me? well who cares??? chances are --- if I have something that bad to say (which is or would be the TRUTH anyhow) -- then they A- are already out of my life -- or B - should be . so WTF?
aaaaahhhh. the light bulb just went off for you didn't it? there's someone I want to put on blast. Is that what you just asked yourselves? well, you would be right. BUT -- really... what good would it do? I could sit here and tell you the story of what happened... what was said before it happened... which is why i was so --- needlessly shocked -- when it did happen. because I really should have expected it. and ya know what? i did expect it. i knew my questions were being evaded...
the truth is -- someone just screwed up. royally. again. but i am done. i will never open myself up to this kind of bs again. it -- or something like it happens every single time i am around this person. I just can't and won't do it anymore.
I thought my mother was dead -- but there is someone in my life who is so very much like her -- the relationship is toxic to me... and as of a week ago - is now OVER. She IS my mother incarnate. I don't need that . over the years I kept going back to it.. hoping for better. hoping for change. just like any other Abusive relationship. well... NO MORE.
So -- on the other side of things -- what have I been doing to cope with these things ? these emotions that all of this crap has stirred in me? I have become addicted to online auctions! not ebay -- something better. well, not really. it is an addiction. it's awful for me. me-- little miss miser... who spends money on NOTHING... ever... is now spending money -- hundreds of dollars a week -- on SHIT. shit that i intend to re-sell for profit... BUT i haven't listed ONE item to sell. well -- I have -- and I did make money -- but that was a couple weeks ago ... i started small... at thrift stores... now it's different. now it's the big time. the hard stuff. it's the Crack of 'Flipping shit'. HELP ME. I have shit all over my house ! like VCR's, DVD players... technical equipment that I can't identify--I only know that my research showed that if I payed 3.00 -- I could re-sell it for 300.00 ... WHAT is wrong with me? and where do you think I get this stuff? I have to go get it right? yep-- I drive over 100 miles a DAY lately to pick up some of this stuff. Soulman is going ape-shit.
STOP THE MADNESS !!!
The struggle is real.
I'm Soul, and I'm a ass-ahoholic.
But wait. there's more --- there is a vacation in our future . this much is good. as long as I stop buying , and start selling some of this crap .... we will be going to --- most likely California. (subject to change at any time) but for now that is where I am trying to plan things. some time in October -- not too hot- not too cold.... we would fly to LA.. rent a car , then road trip the coast. go to disney.. redwoods, san diego zoo.. san francisco.. Carmel.. (I have it written down, just can't think of it all right now -- and certainly not in that order.) but yeh, that would be cool.
Second choice? Florida-- Third choice -- Hawaii..VERY expensive to go there tho-- so it's prolly a hubby and me on a big anniversary or something. I have also thought of Puerto Rico-- But all I can say is we are waaaay over due for a vacation.. and this year is the time we are gonna make up for lost time. we are gonna do it up ! I can't wait! (we'd be going sooner -- but hubby just took vacation to trial his dog :(
so. what else is new in Soulland? some other cool stuff.. I have found a couple cousins on Facebook -- from my dads side -- that I never even knew existed. we get along great -- and I am glad to have found them. I would like to plan a visit to go out there (east coast) and meet them.. and my other mck-clan members over there. I've never met (in person) any of my cousins on that side. all the aunts I met are 'gone' now.
so... that's about all I have time for right now. I just wanted to check in and get something on these empty lonely pages. I really don't want to let this blog fade away like the last time. There is still a shit ton of stuff I want to catch up on in here. (update on).. that has happened over the last couple of years. that's a lot of soul-spewing... you know you wanna see it. I just need to write more, and try to get back in the groove. i truly think I forgot how to write.
oh well. guess where I have to go? yup -- to pick up auction stuff. I have to drive 60 miles to pick up one item! it better be worth it. I paid 15.00 dollars for this.. it is two calibration gauges... if I play my cards right?? I should be able to turn that into a quick 150.00 -- well IF I get busy and list them for sale.
Listing this crap is gonna take DAYS. but if it pays off like I think it will-- it really will be totally worth it. it's the stress of not knowing that is bothering me. what if I just threw away all this time and money , for nothing? it's the gambler in me i guess. I don't gamble -- but my mom sure did.
ok.. I better get goin... have some happy saturdays out there in your worlds !
see ya soon.