Wednesday, November 30, 2016


whoops -- i just almost posted my blog in this page -- instead of 'Soul-Survivor.'  how easy we forget.   so-- i caught it in time, and put it over there.  it's not so bad, because this blog shows up in the feed and the other doesn't.  so mosey over there, and see the post.
have happy days in your worlds -- i shall.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Going Back Home

howdy folks .  this is just a quick post -- to let ya know that I have moved back home.  home to where it all began --- to "Soul Survivor".  trying to hide- or to become someone else these last few years -- by changing blog titles -- or blog locations -- has accomplished nothing.   well, unless you want to count writers block, or lack of interest.   so.  I decided to go back to my roots.  back to my original blog.  back to where i met so many wonderful people who have never left my heart -- no matter where--- or IF i was writing.    follow me there -- if ya want to :))

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Greetings and Salutations Y'all

well howdy y'all, here I am, finally. been a while eh?    things haven't been going so great around here lately - I've been busy... which no, that's not bad.  I also went out of town... that wasn't bad either -- in fact, that was great -- i had a great time, i had zero problems on my travels, and it was great to get my baby love and see my family.  so... nope, not bad at all.  so, what is so bad?  hmmm... well not so much really.  except i did get some news that threw me for loop.  I wasn't ready for news like this again, so soon.  so - I've been trying to fill up my calendar and stay busy, rather than sit around the house and be angry or sad.  it seems the feelings are leaning more towards anger.  i think it's just too easy to be sad.  i don't know.  but another friend of mine has cancer.  motherfuckinfrickindamncancer.  she was diagnosed and already had two chemo treatments just since before i left for Chicago and got back - and me being told.  crazy, isn't isn't it?  breast cancer.  both breasts.  why not lop those fuckers off?  I would.  she hasn't yet.  i want to ask, but i just can't ask THAT question.  and NO. i would not word it that way.  or use that tone.  but i am pissed, and i do wonder.  why hasn't she had the surgery yet??? aaaaaaaaand ---- why in the hell is it that Almost every time I allow myself to say the F word (Friend) --  something like this happens?
yep -- rhetorical questions.  all rhetorical.

but anyhow.....  i told a couple folks that if i didn't post today that i would let them stone me.  this was what fell out of me mouth.  sorry it wasn't better.  maybe i can do better tomorrow.

y'all sleep well, and have happy days tomorrow

Saturday, February 13, 2016

i'm too tired

hiya peeps --

i just woke up in my chair.  i'm barely awake as it is , just wanted to write something here before i start my day.

i was sittin here drinking coffee a while ago.. then just a minute ago i woke up.  you know how that happens, when ya doze off, and don't really notice, right?

well, here i am, and i wake up in my chair... this is something that happens very often lately, at night.. i fall asleep in my chair and will wake up at 3 am, and waddle off to bed.   well, just now when i woke up-- i i was about to start to gather my crap -- my phone, water, e-cig, etc....  when suddenly, i realize , it's friggin 10:10 AM-- and daytime.. time to be starting the day -- not ending it.  
if I don't get this sleep problem fixed -- all the way fixed -- i am gonna obviously have a big a big problem.    wow.  that woulda ruined my entire day if i wouda just went back to bed at 10 in the morning.


anyhow -- y'all have happy days -- i will !

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Aint Nobody Got Time For That

howdy folks

how's things peoples?  hope all is well.  nope i haven't changed my ways in punctuation.  hope ya don't mind.  it takes too long to find the find the keys to capitalize -- i have to look down and then re- focus and all that jazz.  nope -- can't do that.  especially when i have a lot to say.  yeh-- that hasn't been an issue lately -- but ya never know when inspiration might hit.

anyhow -- i do happen to be in a hurry right now-- i have less than an hour to write a post here - take a shower and get to the doctor.  i have a lovely annual physical, and the dreaded pap  today.  oh gee, yes go ahead and add that, i'd love to go in and be seen like that.  i would have said no thank you -- i'll have that another time - when the receptionist who made my appointment asked if i wanted it -- but -- as some of you know, i recently lost my best friend to cancer.  well, it was (cervical) cancer.  she had let ten years pass without having a pap done.  ten friggin years.  now i know none of us like to have these things done... but they really are necessary.  especially for those of us who have a family history of issues in the female department.  and i do.  i have also had bad paps in the past -- so -- when she asked if i wanted to schedule it-- i said sure.  and i am of course going to do this with a pure disdain and hate for the whole situation.  i hate them.  but i know it could save my life.  i do this for those who love me. so -- you better appreciate it.  :))

guess where else i'm going today??  one of my friends is actually trusting me enough to train her dog.  i hope i am god enough to do that.  i think i am.  it's just that it's been a while.  i trained chewie-- and i did a great job with her.  this dog is a small breed.. a dachshund, i think.  i'm not used to small dogs anymore.  we are meeting later after the doctor.  wish me luck on that.  hopefully i can do it.

i would like to get another small dog for myself.  another Min Pin, like Sushi.  i love those dogs.  they are so fun and cute.  
i also was recently considering a yellow lab -- as a 'back up' service dog'.  you know... to retire chewie and train a lab for my main service dog.  i pretty much reconsidered that idea after a few days.   the pro and con list is pretty evenly balanced -- but it's just not a good idea.  at least not right now.  maybe later on down the road somewhere.

well... anyhow -- i better get in the showah -- the doctah awaits.  i do not want to go.  yuk.  in fact, if i had my druthers -- i'd ruther sit here and play on the computer for a while, and color for a few hours before having to move.  ugh.
i sure have been tired lately.  i have this weird insomnia thing goin on.  i can be up alllll night long -- then sometimes fall asleep around ten am, wake up at 6 -- pm -- on a good night - bed at 12 -- be ok for a couple days -- then it'll hit again and i won't sleep until 'bed time the next day -- -- i don't know -- but it wipes me out.  been goin on for maybe 2-3 months... maybe more.   i hate it.

ok -- i really better go this time.  catchya later --

have happy days in your worlds -- i will

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

i must go to bed

hi y'all.  it might be better  i just skip this -- but for me, it's better to post at least a quick 'Goodnight".  so.  I am gonna do that.
i have had NO sleep, and am exhausted.  sitting here falling asleep, and am on my way to bed after i do this.  but anyhow yep -- my insomnia has been just stupid lately.  i think i need to talk to a dr about it.  it has never been as bad as it has been this last few months.  ugh boy.

but yeh... i'll be back tomorrow.  y'all sleep well... i sure hope I do-
G'nighty yo :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

It Happens Every Time

hi peoples --
yep -- not only did i miss a day - but i'm late -- and not only am i late -- every time i tried to get in here and write something -- something happened to interrupt or stop me. otherwise, i woulda had a post written and up 2 or 3 hours ago.. at least.  but noooo.  i am me afterall.  remember?

so anyhow.  yeh, i'm pretty disappointed about not blogging yesterday.  I intended to, but i was really busy.  right now i couldn't tell you what i was busy doing, but i was busy doing something.  lots of somethings.
SO.  Strike One for me.  just in case anyone is counting.

as for today ?  i bet i tried and failed fifteen times (including thoughts - along with actual attempts) to write a post today.  just couldn't do it.  i got interrupted one way or another - every time.  this time?  i pushed through -- even though , as soon as I opened the page to write --- messages binged and the phone rang -- yes-- at the same time.  no idea why i had so many distractions , but i did.
and i can say too, that with all these distractions come even more distractions..... like being unable to focus - or think.  because i keep waiting for the next interruption.  ugh.  sooo frustrating.

anyhow.  where shall i begin?
today.  today has not been a bad day. it's been a very busy day.  nearly non-stop til around 5.  i didn't even realize how busy i was, or how fast the day had gone until i finally sat down to catch my breath and have a glass of water.  i looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked to see that it was nearly 4:56.  crazy.  it was a successful day though.  i did get a lot accomplished.  which is more than i can say for many of my days in the recent past.  so yeh.  kudos to me.  

hubs got home shortly after that - and we went to dinner -- mexican food.  i love mexican food... but i gotta say -- the mexican food here in north texas, isn't as good as the mexican food in south texas or in california.  i wish it was.  i miss that kinda mexican food.  and would someone tell me.... WTH is texican food?  cuz it tastes like shitinacan food.

my trip to chicago is getting closer.  i am getting so excited .  i wish i could go right now!  i could actually -- well, i could Have.  but now, my ticket is bought.  so i can't.  and the dates i chose are the days my sister will be there too.  that's why i picked those specific dates - is so i could see her as well as the rest of the kids.
but yup-- gettin some ants in my pants about that.

ugh.  there is just nothin to write about right now.  there is.  but there isn't.
so- seein as i'm watching a movie, i reckon i shall put you out of your misery and sign off for now.  maybe in the morning i will have something a bit more substantial to say.

thanks for coming by-- gnight

Sunday, February 7, 2016


hiya --

here I am... six days straight.  that may be nothin to you--but it is somethin to me.  i know i haven't written really anything substantial, but i have written- and sticking to a commitment like that is something that i have not done in a very long time.  the closest i have come to a 'daily' commitment has been cleaning my house -- and even then, i have to say -- i bet i didn't go to the 6th day without skipping at least one.  so yay for me.

anyhow -- let's see if i can get anything decent down in here today.   i am hoping that i will, because every day since i started (this time) i was interrupted , and rushed, and on my way to get ready to go somewhere.  which also .. is something kinda new for me.  because -- like i said-- i am in the recent couple of weeks working towards change.  because, i have allowed myself  --- not so much to get  depressed -- but to stagnate sort of.  to stop my life in its tracks. (until just recently) - not posting or talking on face book... not going out with my friends  -- not taking Chewie out to do things... i wasn't doing my chores - until i let the house get bad enough that it made me mad to look at it.   all i was doing was sitting on my ass all day long.. and coloring in adult coloring books, with the tv on. --- for weeks ! i binge watched Breaking Bad -- all the way through -- I binge watched House, - all the way through... i watched a show called IZombie (you may not have heard of that one-- it's actually good ) two seasons worth . ---  I literally spent probably ten hours or more a day coloring while watching tv.. every day -- for WEEKS.
  this started when i sensed the impending loss of my best friend since childhood ... and it didn't stop until sometime in this last 2 weeks or so.  
sometime in December -- until basically now.  my life stopped.  For Grief.  Nope.  it's not the first time.  i do not, have not-- and may never- handle grief well.  i just do not and cannot do it.    i will say though... this last little trip inside myself was prolly the shortest.  so-- that's growth.  and i have to say that I learned from it.  and not only did i learn things about myself on this journey --- i learned about just every person in my life.  ---- who they are -- what they mean to me -- how much they mean to me .  i learned also that it isn't only the finality of death for me to lose a precious friend.
 in my recent weeks of solace - i have been thinking of the many friends that i have pushed away in the times that i have crawled into my cave and stayed there too long.  not communicating.  being a hermit.  i understand now that a person can only take that kind of treatment for just so long.  most of you understand that i am just that way -- and that i DO come around and come out of my cave eventually -- and i never stop loving you during those times.  you know that even when i am in those 'dark times' that if ANY one of you ever need me for anything i would BE anywhere in this world for you in a heartbeat .   but -  maybe some of you don't know that.  and you just shouldn't be left to feel that way.    for those of you who i have made feel that way -- i deeply and purely apologize.

ok. so on that note - i better get UP.  i got thangs to do.

y'all have happy days in your worlds today --- I Will

Saturday, February 6, 2016

I'm late but I'm here

howdy folks !
how was y'alls days?  I hope you didn't waste much time looking for me today?  I was too busy to get in here before now.  I was tempted to wait until tomorrow, but I couldn't get relaxed enough to not blog.  that is a good sign.  not a full week into my commitment and it's working!  so--- here I am.  unfortunately, I don't a lot to say.  hang in there though... it won't be much longer til i get back in the groove and i get this thing going smooth again.
anyhow -- did I tell you I'm gettin ready to go to Chicago to visit my family soon?  cuz I am.  and I am very excited about that.  i was there almost 2 years ago i guess? since then, my nephew and his wife who live there have had a new baby boy, and he is having his first birthday already during the time i will be there.  Isn't that exciting??  it is to me.  I tell ya ,, when I went out there last time to visit I was hangin by a thread emotionally, and that 'baby love' , and seeing my nephew, and my sister, was total healing for me.  there's just nothing like it.  i can't even explain the way it made me feel inside.  i won't even try.  i just know that i can't wait to get to get there.  there's just something about being near your kin.  and baby love.  man oh man.

obviously--this pic is a year old -- but here are the babies I'm goin to see --- the boys are Mason, and - Issac (the new one is Issac)- the girl is Hayden.  they are soooo damn sweet i can't stand it!!!!

they live in Chicago- like I said, and I just can't handle that kinda cold weather.  so , even if it was possible, i couldn't move closer to them, because the weather would kill me.   on the other hand -- my older nephew -- he has a baby boy too -- he's goin 3 (I think) and they also have a new baby on the way -- they live in Florida :))  Now THAT could happen.  maybe someday, if circumstances changed.  ya just never know.

Look at this boy -- Conrad -- the Rad man---


i just can't stand it....

ok.  well, on that note, i must go to bed.

see ya tomorrow.


Friday, February 5, 2016

short n to the dull point

guten morgen to you---
I don't have much to say -- but that's ok- i don't have much time to write anyhow.  i just wanted to pop in and say something... just because -- i'm trying to keep on track of writing every day.  so far - so good... so i gotta keep it up.
i have actually, not just been working on blogging every day -- but it's an entire routine thing.  because... for the last long while, my entire days - life--have gone to shit.  i have literally found that i can, and do- sit in my chair for the entire day - from morning til night - and do absolutely nothing .   i color .  i actually color all day , unless i absolutely have to go or do something.  part of that has to do with grief.  i will let you know that.  in fact i pretty much have some valid reasons --- this time... for my slugness.  perhaps these things will come to light for you-- if there is a you -- in the near future.  but anyhow --- as usual... just as i am gettin loosened up-- the kid walks through and i lose my train of thought.  hmmmmmmm
so, is that gonna be all ya get today?  that i have been a slug for a couple months? i don't know.  looks like it.  cuz i have stuff to do.
maybe i will come back later after i get my business for the day taken care of.  we will see.  if not- i will back in the mornin.  hope to see you here.

y'all have happy days in your worlds today-- I will!

Thursday, February 4, 2016

it's a beautiful mornin'

Ola peeps -- third time's a charm right?  here I am, third day straight in my new reign of terror.  hmmm.  I don't think I have gone three days in a row since -- for lack of a better phrase-- fell off the wagon around here.
anyhow, I hope it's a good sign.
let's see if I can get back to my train of thought where i left off yesterday... it would be nice.  i was in such a frazzled state.  i was trying to get ready to get out the door, the kid was getting ready for work, the dogs were playing,  and i was trying to write to you all at the same time.  we all know it's hard enough for me to just write -- much less write with all that goin on.  so -- let's try again.
I'll set the scene ... things-- for now-- are as I like it.  the house is quiet -- which is rare these days--- but all I hear is the the fireplace -- and chewie breathing -- ahhhh.   hubby is at work.. so no worries of him walking up behind me from the bedroom-- my girl is upstairs asleep, and I assume will stay that way for hours.  I have my coffee and I like it this way.  I have little stress at the moment.  and --- ok-- that's as creative as i can get right now.
alright then -- where was I even at yesterday?  I know I was writing and ideas were just literally flying through my head.  things that were almost revelation like to me.  But - wouldn't ya know it?  I didn't have time.. or the ability at the moment -- because too much was going on -- to write it.  i couldn't get it out on here.  i so wish I could have.
It even got that way when I got in the car after leaving the house a few minutes later.  i had gone to spend the day with a friend -- i turned the music on.. and inspiration hit like the wind!!!!!  there was one moment that i literally had to pull my car over to the side of the road to WRITE!!!  my head was spinning with (only the writers out there will understand this part) -- words--- words that I had to get down on paper before i forgot them.  words, phrases... stanzas.
Let me tell you ALL --- THAT -- has NOT happened to me in literally years !!!  the writer in me has been stuffed in a black body bag in the corner of a dank basement for way too long.  i have had writers block to the point where i believed that I would never write again.  ever.  nothing.  not a poem, or a letter, or even here on this blog.  i literally couldn't write anything.  nothing ever sounded right.  until yesterday---  it was the craziest thing in the world.  i soooo wished i had all day to write.  but i didn't.  but i tell ya.  it was a start.  and it was Hope.  HOPE y'all.  that is Huge.  wow.  just huge.  it may seem small to 'you'.  but it is a miracle to me.

IF I remember correctly -- i said something about writing cryptic posts.  well.  i said more.  but yeh.. that was where i sort of left off.  because while I was writing.. so much 'came to me' -- that i realized just how much i need to write.  i've said it here before -- 'If I don't write, I'll die.'  a part of me Has died without writing.  a big part of me.  i want that part back.  it was a big part of who i AM.  NOT who I Used to be.  But who I AM.  once a writer -- Always a writer.
ok... i am off track.  stick with me.  I also said --- something about -- 'A return to Myself'.  ok.. well that's the big thing.  i guess. i need to be myself.  i haven't been myself.  and i miss Myself.   i'm beginning to see glimmers of me...recently.  only because i made a decision in the very recent past.  but this is where everything is gonna get cryptic.  so here is where i need you to just be patient and walk through this with me.  ok.  that is a question and a statement.  it is will you stick with me through this and  it's dammit if you don't stick with me through this it will make it a lot more difficult.  but hey-- ya know what? when i said that last part-- nevermind.  maybe i was just gonna try to be tough.  i was gonna say -- ' it won't be any more difficult on my own anyhow.' -- but you tell me somethin' -- is that my ego talking? see what i mean??? cryptic.  cryptic. cryptic. cryptic.

ok.  so.  here's what i'm gonna do for a minute.  only because that got a little weird for a minute.  some of you haven't seen me for a while. most of you have seen me on face book.. but some of you haven't seen me here , there, or even EVER.  so -- let me introduce you to my Chewie.  I won't say everything about her right here, right now -- but over time - you will learn that she has literally saved my life, and brought me back from the dead.
( the kid and her dog just got up-more about my kids dog later -- i love her but she is high energy -)

i bring you -- my Chewie -- she is my Service Dog (yes medically-and legally)

i love her -- she is amazing.  she is with me 24/7, and has even been on airplanes!
where I go-she goes.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Some things Never Change

hiya peeps--

yep, I had big plans for this morning's post.  my first full free morning - alone for writing.   hubby at work.. kid asleep --- dogs put up... and Chewie..well, she is the queen dog, she is never a problem.  just like old times.  yep.  that was my plan.  did it happen that way?  well, no.  because here I sit now -- feeling rushed.  the kid is now up -- her crazy crackhead dog is up running amok with mine in the back yard - my coffee is cold, which means I have to leave the comfort of my chair - to drag my owchy body to go get a re-fill.  it's also starting to get hot in here- so  i need to adjust the temp on the thermostat- (I would have added that I needed to remove this big ole throw off of me.. but  that's a given, because obviously, that goes when I get my self up -- right?  so much happening in just one few seconds since I signed on --  aren't ya glad you came by?  not much has changed around here.  I can still make your getting a cup of coffee entertaining for you.  BRB

--- well, I have finally returned , and would you believe that almost a full hour has passed?  I have switched , and folded & put away laundry, wrapped a birthday gift, balanced my checkbook, got dressed for the day, and washed my dishes since I left ---??

OH -- THAT is one thing that has changed since 'we haven't been regularly visiting'/blogging' --do 'Y'all' remember my horrible disdain for washing dishes ?      Well guess what?  I have been healed of that malady.  :))  I have become a normal person who can wash my dishes, and clean my kitchen with happy heart.   I bet that sounds unusual for you folks who don't really know me.. the way some others do.  But yes.  I don't think it was a pure and total change -- but a 'return' to myself.  because I wasn't always a hater of cleaning.  WHICH -- I must say -- brings me hope --- because -- there are other things that must be changed -- and THAT -- (Is THE key ---- and THIS is the MOMENT that it hit me .. and THAT is why i HAVE to start writing again you guys.   OMG.  

ok....  I don't know who-- if anyone.. maybe Val.. cuz you came by and know I'm back... but listen... I'm just gonna  spit it out -- kinda -- cuz the ONE thing that hasn't changed -- is my --- shit--- what's the word????  -- when I write.. and make no sense-- because I skirt around the issue and make the reader have to figure out what I'm saying??? help me out Charlotte...???  am I thinking of "Cryptic?
well that's what I will call it for now... anyhow -- yeh ... my cryptic -- cryptic posts -- because -- there is a lot I can't say full out loud right now.  k?

anyhow -- ... crap... now I lost my place... know why? cuz I'm in a hurry.  I have to go somewhere -- but-- I'll be back.. and I can say that and mean it this time..again.  cuz .. yeh.. OH yeh.. THAT reminds me -- yup right in the middle of my revalation!

check THIS out -- cept you VAl.. cuz you know --

but everyone else -- from the old group -- use this as motivation... let's ALL start blogging again.. k?  let's bring our old group back together.  don't y'all miss it.. still?  I don't know about you.. but Facebook just doesn't cut it for me.  Facebook is like making a relationship the way Kentucky Fried Chicken and McDonalds have turned into KFC and Micky D's -- when they shortened their names-- the quality of their food went downhill too.  I don't have time to explain that -- but if you know Me--you get it.

but (The rest of this is (speaking of shortcuts--shame on me--is copy/pasted--cuz I really do gotta GO---)--
it seems like 'Back then' -- when 'whatever' happened - it happened to the entire group - at the same time.  it's like it didn't even dwindle away -- it just imploded all at once - and the entire blog world - as 'WE' knew it was gone in an instant.  I know 'it' won't come back that fast -- or maybe ever be the same ... but how bout you and I - - and any others reading this who want to give it another go round -- let's make February be THE month to get back on track.  it takes 28 days to MAKE a habit -- guess what there's 28 days in February! -- yes, a few have gone already -- but there's time!   Blog your little hearts out- and make sure you let us know HERE that you have :) GO! 

(funny how that last paragraph just fell right into place)

I hope you ALL have Happy days in your worlds today -- I Will!

Monday, February 1, 2016


Hiya folks !
I hope this finds you well and happy.  Heck, I hope this simply finds you.  :))
Been a long time - again, hasn't it?  I haven't written, and I haven't cruised blogs, in a very long time. I can tell you this though - my disdain and resentment for Facebook has only grown over the recent years.  Blogging and talking back and forth on 'our' blogs brought me -- and many of You - so much joy  back in the day.  I miss it .  I miss it often.  That is probably why I have such a hard time writing on Facebook or even moreso Here on any sort of a regular basis.  BUT-- that is why I am Back now.  Because - I used to love it... and I DO miss it.  There are days -- many many many days that I will sit here and 'write blog posts - in my head' ... good ones.  what a waste.  If all the 'posts' that i have 'written in my head' .. would have made it to these pages.. this would still be a successful blog, and there would probably be several of you blogging again.   so -- maybe some of you will start again.  maybe not.  but that's ok.. that isn't why I'm back.  I'm back because I'm a writer, and I love to write.  I need a place for all the thoughts that fill my mind .  and ya know what else I miss about blogging?  I made people laugh.  i want to make people laugh again.  i want to make people FEEL.  I have an ability to do that.  some folks don't.  some folks don't have a desire to do that.  so.  I'm here.  I'm back.  And I hope I won't be on this new new journey by myself.  because ya know why?  well.  Stick around and and find out.  It's all in my head right now-- maybe you can help me figure out what to do with it.
there.  I just wrote my first post of 2016.  a full month late but it is here.  I have told myself (and not for the first time-- but for 2016 ) I old myself -- I WILL stick with it this time.  Blogging... will be part of my morning routine again.  if only for this year.  that's my goal.  I need a challenge in my life right now, and this seems like a good one .
does anyone want to join me? If so, let me know in the comments.
Also-- feel free to leave comments as you read along at coffee time.
just like the good ole days.
come back tomorrow, and I'll tell ya some of my upcoming plans.  I gots thangs ta do right now.  I just wanted to honor my commitment to myself and get this 'first' post up here.  Yay-- I did it.

Y'all have happy days in your worlds today - I will !