Ola peeps -- third time's a charm right? here I am, third day straight in my new reign of terror. hmmm. I don't think I have gone three days in a row since -- for lack of a better phrase-- fell off the wagon around here.
anyhow, I hope it's a good sign.
let's see if I can get back to my train of thought where i left off yesterday... it would be nice. i was in such a frazzled state. i was trying to get ready to get out the door, the kid was getting ready for work, the dogs were playing, and i was trying to write to you all at the same time. we all know it's hard enough for me to just write -- much less write with all that goin on. so -- let's try again.
I'll set the scene ... things-- for now-- are as I like it. the house is quiet -- which is rare these days--- but all I hear is the the fireplace -- and chewie breathing -- ahhhh. hubby is at work.. so no worries of him walking up behind me from the bedroom-- my girl is upstairs asleep, and I assume will stay that way for hours. I have my coffee and I like it this way. I have little stress at the moment. and --- ok-- that's as creative as i can get right now.
alright then -- where was I even at yesterday? I know I was writing and ideas were just literally flying through my head. things that were almost revelation like to me. But - wouldn't ya know it? I didn't have time.. or the ability at the moment -- because too much was going on -- to write it. i couldn't get it out on here. i so wish I could have.
It even got that way when I got in the car after leaving the house a few minutes later. i had gone to spend the day with a friend -- i turned the music on.. and inspiration hit like the wind!!!!! there was one moment that i literally had to pull my car over to the side of the road to WRITE!!! my head was spinning with (only the writers out there will understand this part) -- words--- words that I had to get down on paper before i forgot them. words, phrases... stanzas.
Let me tell you ALL --- THAT -- has NOT happened to me in literally years !!! the writer in me has been stuffed in a black body bag in the corner of a dank basement for way too long. i have had writers block to the point where i believed that I would never write again. ever. nothing. not a poem, or a letter, or even here on this blog. i literally couldn't write anything. nothing ever sounded right. until yesterday--- it was the craziest thing in the world. i soooo wished i had all day to write. but i didn't. but i tell ya. it was a start. and it was Hope. HOPE y'all. that is Huge. wow. just huge. it may seem small to 'you'. but it is a miracle to me.
IF I remember correctly -- i said something about writing cryptic posts. well. i said more. but yeh.. that was where i sort of left off. because while I was writing.. so much 'came to me' -- that i realized just how much i need to write. i've said it here before -- 'If I don't write, I'll die.' a part of me Has died without writing. a big part of me. i want that part back. it was a big part of who i AM. NOT who I Used to be. But who I AM. once a writer -- Always a writer.
ok... i am off track. stick with me. I also said --- something about -- 'A return to Myself'. ok.. well that's the big thing. i guess. i need to be myself. i haven't been myself. and i miss Myself. i'm beginning to see glimmers of me...recently. only because i made a decision in the very recent past. but this is where everything is gonna get cryptic. so here is where i need you to just be patient and walk through this with me. ok. that is a question and a statement. it is will you stick with me through this and it's dammit if you don't stick with me through this it will make it a lot more difficult. but hey-- ya know what? when i said that last part-- nevermind. maybe i was just gonna try to be tough. i was gonna say -- ' it won't be any more difficult on my own anyhow.' -- but you tell me somethin' -- is that my ego talking? see what i mean??? cryptic. cryptic. cryptic. cryptic.
ok. so. here's what i'm gonna do for a minute. only because that got a little weird for a minute. some of you haven't seen me for a while. most of you have seen me on face book.. but some of you haven't seen me here , there, or even EVER. so -- let me introduce you to my Chewie. I won't say everything about her right here, right now -- but over time - you will learn that she has literally saved my life, and brought me back from the dead.
( the kid and her dog just got up-more about my kids dog later -- i love her but she is high energy -)
i bring you -- my Chewie -- she is my Service Dog (yes medically-and legally)
i love her -- she is amazing. she is with me 24/7, and has even been on airplanes!
where I go-she goes.