it's a beautiful mornin'

Ola peeps -- third time's a charm right?  here I am, third day straight in my new reign of terror.  hmmm.  I don't think I have gone three days in a row since -- for lack of a better phrase-- fell off the wagon around here.
anyhow, I hope it's a good sign.
let's see if I can get back to my train of thought where i left off yesterday... it would be nice.  i was in such a frazzled state.  i was trying to get ready to get out the door, the kid was getting ready for work, the dogs were playing,  and i was trying to write to you all at the same time.  we all know it's hard enough for me to just write -- much less write with all that goin on.  so -- let's try again.
I'll set the scene ... things-- for now-- are as I like it.  the house is quiet -- which is rare these days--- but all I hear is the the fireplace -- and chewie breathing -- ahhhh.   hubby is at work.. so no worries of him walking up behind me from the bedroom-- my girl is upstairs asleep, and I assume will stay that way for hours.  I have my coffee and I like it this way.  I have little stress at the moment.  and --- ok-- that's as creative as i can get right now.
alright then -- where was I even at yesterday?  I know I was writing and ideas were just literally flying through my head.  things that were almost revelation like to me.  But - wouldn't ya know it?  I didn't have time.. or the ability at the moment -- because too much was going on -- to write it.  i couldn't get it out on here.  i so wish I could have.
It even got that way when I got in the car after leaving the house a few minutes later.  i had gone to spend the day with a friend -- i turned the music on.. and inspiration hit like the wind!!!!!  there was one moment that i literally had to pull my car over to the side of the road to WRITE!!!  my head was spinning with (only the writers out there will understand this part) -- words--- words that I had to get down on paper before i forgot them.  words, phrases... stanzas.
Let me tell you ALL --- THAT -- has NOT happened to me in literally years !!!  the writer in me has been stuffed in a black body bag in the corner of a dank basement for way too long.  i have had writers block to the point where i believed that I would never write again.  ever.  nothing.  not a poem, or a letter, or even here on this blog.  i literally couldn't write anything.  nothing ever sounded right.  until yesterday---  it was the craziest thing in the world.  i soooo wished i had all day to write.  but i didn't.  but i tell ya.  it was a start.  and it was Hope.  HOPE y'all.  that is Huge.  wow.  just huge.  it may seem small to 'you'.  but it is a miracle to me.


IF I remember correctly -- i said something about writing cryptic posts.  well.  i said more.  but yeh.. that was where i sort of left off.  because while I was writing.. so much 'came to me' -- that i realized just how much i need to write.  i've said it here before -- 'If I don't write, I'll die.'  a part of me Has died without writing.  a big part of me.  i want that part back.  it was a big part of who i AM.  NOT who I Used to be.  But who I AM.  once a writer -- Always a writer.
ok... i am off track.  stick with me.  I also said --- something about -- 'A return to Myself'.  ok.. well that's the big thing.  i guess. i need to be myself.  i haven't been myself.  and i miss Myself.   i'm beginning to see glimmers of me...recently.  only because i made a decision in the very recent past.  but this is where everything is gonna get cryptic.  so here is where i need you to just be patient and walk through this with me.  ok.  that is a question and a statement.  it is will you stick with me through this and  it's dammit if you don't stick with me through this it will make it a lot more difficult.  but hey-- ya know what? when i said that last part-- nevermind.  maybe i was just gonna try to be tough.  i was gonna say -- ' it won't be any more difficult on my own anyhow.' -- but you tell me somethin' -- is that my ego talking? see what i mean??? cryptic.  cryptic. cryptic. cryptic.

ok.  so.  here's what i'm gonna do for a minute.  only because that got a little weird for a minute.  some of you haven't seen me for a while. most of you have seen me on face book.. but some of you haven't seen me here , there, or even EVER.  so -- let me introduce you to my Chewie.  I won't say everything about her right here, right now -- but over time - you will learn that she has literally saved my life, and brought me back from the dead.
( the kid and her dog just got up-more about my kids dog later -- i love her but she is high energy -)

i bring you -- my Chewie -- she is my Service Dog (yes medically-and legally)

i love her -- she is amazing.  she is with me 24/7, and has even been on airplanes!
where I go-she goes.