Saturday, February 13, 2016

i'm too tired

hiya peeps --

i just woke up in my chair.  i'm barely awake as it is , just wanted to write something here before i start my day.

i was sittin here drinking coffee a while ago.. then just a minute ago i woke up.  you know how that happens, when ya doze off, and don't really notice, right?

well, here i am, and i wake up in my chair... this is something that happens very often lately, at night.. i fall asleep in my chair and will wake up at 3 am, and waddle off to bed.   well, just now when i woke up-- i i was about to start to gather my crap -- my phone, water, e-cig, etc....  when suddenly, i realize , it's friggin 10:10 AM-- and daytime.. time to be starting the day -- not ending it.  
if I don't get this sleep problem fixed -- all the way fixed -- i am gonna obviously have a big a big problem.    wow.  that woulda ruined my entire day if i wouda just went back to bed at 10 in the morning.


anyhow -- y'all have happy days -- i will !

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Aint Nobody Got Time For That

howdy folks

how's things peoples?  hope all is well.  nope i haven't changed my ways in punctuation.  hope ya don't mind.  it takes too long to find the find the keys to capitalize -- i have to look down and then re- focus and all that jazz.  nope -- can't do that.  especially when i have a lot to say.  yeh-- that hasn't been an issue lately -- but ya never know when inspiration might hit.

anyhow -- i do happen to be in a hurry right now-- i have less than an hour to write a post here - take a shower and get to the doctor.  i have a lovely annual physical, and the dreaded pap  today.  oh gee, yes go ahead and add that, i'd love to go in and be seen like that.  i would have said no thank you -- i'll have that another time - when the receptionist who made my appointment asked if i wanted it -- but -- as some of you know, i recently lost my best friend to cancer.  well, it was (cervical) cancer.  she had let ten years pass without having a pap done.  ten friggin years.  now i know none of us like to have these things done... but they really are necessary.  especially for those of us who have a family history of issues in the female department.  and i do.  i have also had bad paps in the past -- so -- when she asked if i wanted to schedule it-- i said sure.  and i am of course going to do this with a pure disdain and hate for the whole situation.  i hate them.  but i know it could save my life.  i do this for those who love me. so -- you better appreciate it.  :))

guess where else i'm going today??  one of my friends is actually trusting me enough to train her dog.  i hope i am god enough to do that.  i think i am.  it's just that it's been a while.  i trained chewie-- and i did a great job with her.  this dog is a small breed.. a dachshund, i think.  i'm not used to small dogs anymore.  we are meeting later after the doctor.  wish me luck on that.  hopefully i can do it.

i would like to get another small dog for myself.  another Min Pin, like Sushi.  i love those dogs.  they are so fun and cute.  
i also was recently considering a yellow lab -- as a 'back up' service dog'.  you know... to retire chewie and train a lab for my main service dog.  i pretty much reconsidered that idea after a few days.   the pro and con list is pretty evenly balanced -- but it's just not a good idea.  at least not right now.  maybe later on down the road somewhere.

well... anyhow -- i better get in the showah -- the doctah awaits.  i do not want to go.  yuk.  in fact, if i had my druthers -- i'd ruther sit here and play on the computer for a while, and color for a few hours before having to move.  ugh.
i sure have been tired lately.  i have this weird insomnia thing goin on.  i can be up alllll night long -- then sometimes fall asleep around ten am, wake up at 6 -- pm -- on a good night - bed at 12 -- be ok for a couple days -- then it'll hit again and i won't sleep until 'bed time the next day -- -- i don't know -- but it wipes me out.  been goin on for maybe 2-3 months... maybe more.   i hate it.

ok -- i really better go this time.  catchya later --

have happy days in your worlds -- i will

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

i must go to bed

hi y'all.  it might be better  i just skip this -- but for me, it's better to post at least a quick 'Goodnight".  so.  I am gonna do that.
i have had NO sleep, and am exhausted.  sitting here falling asleep, and am on my way to bed after i do this.  but anyhow yep -- my insomnia has been just stupid lately.  i think i need to talk to a dr about it.  it has never been as bad as it has been this last few months.  ugh boy.

but yeh... i'll be back tomorrow.  y'all sleep well... i sure hope I do-
G'nighty yo :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

It Happens Every Time

hi peoples --
yep -- not only did i miss a day - but i'm late -- and not only am i late -- every time i tried to get in here and write something -- something happened to interrupt or stop me. otherwise, i woulda had a post written and up 2 or 3 hours ago.. at least.  but noooo.  i am me afterall.  remember?

so anyhow.  yeh, i'm pretty disappointed about not blogging yesterday.  I intended to, but i was really busy.  right now i couldn't tell you what i was busy doing, but i was busy doing something.  lots of somethings.
SO.  Strike One for me.  just in case anyone is counting.

as for today ?  i bet i tried and failed fifteen times (including thoughts - along with actual attempts) to write a post today.  just couldn't do it.  i got interrupted one way or another - every time.  this time?  i pushed through -- even though , as soon as I opened the page to write --- messages binged and the phone rang -- yes-- at the same time.  no idea why i had so many distractions , but i did.
and i can say too, that with all these distractions come even more distractions..... like being unable to focus - or think.  because i keep waiting for the next interruption.  ugh.  sooo frustrating.

anyhow.  where shall i begin?
today.  today has not been a bad day. it's been a very busy day.  nearly non-stop til around 5.  i didn't even realize how busy i was, or how fast the day had gone until i finally sat down to catch my breath and have a glass of water.  i looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked to see that it was nearly 4:56.  crazy.  it was a successful day though.  i did get a lot accomplished.  which is more than i can say for many of my days in the recent past.  so yeh.  kudos to me.  

hubs got home shortly after that - and we went to dinner -- mexican food.  i love mexican food... but i gotta say -- the mexican food here in north texas, isn't as good as the mexican food in south texas or in california.  i wish it was.  i miss that kinda mexican food.  and would someone tell me.... WTH is texican food?  cuz it tastes like shitinacan food.

my trip to chicago is getting closer.  i am getting so excited .  i wish i could go right now!  i could actually -- well, i could Have.  but now, my ticket is bought.  so i can't.  and the dates i chose are the days my sister will be there too.  that's why i picked those specific dates - is so i could see her as well as the rest of the kids.
but yup-- gettin some ants in my pants about that.

ugh.  there is just nothin to write about right now.  there is.  but there isn't.
so- seein as i'm watching a movie, i reckon i shall put you out of your misery and sign off for now.  maybe in the morning i will have something a bit more substantial to say.

thanks for coming by-- gnight

Sunday, February 7, 2016


hiya --

here I am... six days straight.  that may be nothin to you--but it is somethin to me.  i know i haven't written really anything substantial, but i have written- and sticking to a commitment like that is something that i have not done in a very long time.  the closest i have come to a 'daily' commitment has been cleaning my house -- and even then, i have to say -- i bet i didn't go to the 6th day without skipping at least one.  so yay for me.

anyhow -- let's see if i can get anything decent down in here today.   i am hoping that i will, because every day since i started (this time) i was interrupted , and rushed, and on my way to get ready to go somewhere.  which also .. is something kinda new for me.  because -- like i said-- i am in the recent couple of weeks working towards change.  because, i have allowed myself  --- not so much to get  depressed -- but to stagnate sort of.  to stop my life in its tracks. (until just recently) - not posting or talking on face book... not going out with my friends  -- not taking Chewie out to do things... i wasn't doing my chores - until i let the house get bad enough that it made me mad to look at it.   all i was doing was sitting on my ass all day long.. and coloring in adult coloring books, with the tv on. --- for weeks ! i binge watched Breaking Bad -- all the way through -- I binge watched House, - all the way through... i watched a show called IZombie (you may not have heard of that one-- it's actually good ) two seasons worth . ---  I literally spent probably ten hours or more a day coloring while watching tv.. every day -- for WEEKS.
  this started when i sensed the impending loss of my best friend since childhood ... and it didn't stop until sometime in this last 2 weeks or so.  
sometime in December -- until basically now.  my life stopped.  For Grief.  Nope.  it's not the first time.  i do not, have not-- and may never- handle grief well.  i just do not and cannot do it.    i will say though... this last little trip inside myself was prolly the shortest.  so-- that's growth.  and i have to say that I learned from it.  and not only did i learn things about myself on this journey --- i learned about just every person in my life.  ---- who they are -- what they mean to me -- how much they mean to me .  i learned also that it isn't only the finality of death for me to lose a precious friend.
 in my recent weeks of solace - i have been thinking of the many friends that i have pushed away in the times that i have crawled into my cave and stayed there too long.  not communicating.  being a hermit.  i understand now that a person can only take that kind of treatment for just so long.  most of you understand that i am just that way -- and that i DO come around and come out of my cave eventually -- and i never stop loving you during those times.  you know that even when i am in those 'dark times' that if ANY one of you ever need me for anything i would BE anywhere in this world for you in a heartbeat .   but -  maybe some of you don't know that.  and you just shouldn't be left to feel that way.    for those of you who i have made feel that way -- i deeply and purely apologize.

ok. so on that note - i better get UP.  i got thangs to do.

y'all have happy days in your worlds today --- I Will

Saturday, February 6, 2016

I'm late but I'm here

howdy folks !
how was y'alls days?  I hope you didn't waste much time looking for me today?  I was too busy to get in here before now.  I was tempted to wait until tomorrow, but I couldn't get relaxed enough to not blog.  that is a good sign.  not a full week into my commitment and it's working!  so--- here I am.  unfortunately, I don't a lot to say.  hang in there though... it won't be much longer til i get back in the groove and i get this thing going smooth again.
anyhow -- did I tell you I'm gettin ready to go to Chicago to visit my family soon?  cuz I am.  and I am very excited about that.  i was there almost 2 years ago i guess? since then, my nephew and his wife who live there have had a new baby boy, and he is having his first birthday already during the time i will be there.  Isn't that exciting??  it is to me.  I tell ya ,, when I went out there last time to visit I was hangin by a thread emotionally, and that 'baby love' , and seeing my nephew, and my sister, was total healing for me.  there's just nothing like it.  i can't even explain the way it made me feel inside.  i won't even try.  i just know that i can't wait to get to get there.  there's just something about being near your kin.  and baby love.  man oh man.

obviously--this pic is a year old -- but here are the babies I'm goin to see --- the boys are Mason, and - Issac (the new one is Issac)- the girl is Hayden.  they are soooo damn sweet i can't stand it!!!!

they live in Chicago- like I said, and I just can't handle that kinda cold weather.  so , even if it was possible, i couldn't move closer to them, because the weather would kill me.   on the other hand -- my older nephew -- he has a baby boy too -- he's goin 3 (I think) and they also have a new baby on the way -- they live in Florida :))  Now THAT could happen.  maybe someday, if circumstances changed.  ya just never know.

Look at this boy -- Conrad -- the Rad man---


i just can't stand it....

ok.  well, on that note, i must go to bed.

see ya tomorrow.


Friday, February 5, 2016

short n to the dull point

guten morgen to you---
I don't have much to say -- but that's ok- i don't have much time to write anyhow.  i just wanted to pop in and say something... just because -- i'm trying to keep on track of writing every day.  so far - so good... so i gotta keep it up.
i have actually, not just been working on blogging every day -- but it's an entire routine thing.  because... for the last long while, my entire days - life--have gone to shit.  i have literally found that i can, and do- sit in my chair for the entire day - from morning til night - and do absolutely nothing .   i color .  i actually color all day , unless i absolutely have to go or do something.  part of that has to do with grief.  i will let you know that.  in fact i pretty much have some valid reasons --- this time... for my slugness.  perhaps these things will come to light for you-- if there is a you -- in the near future.  but anyhow --- as usual... just as i am gettin loosened up-- the kid walks through and i lose my train of thought.  hmmmmmmm
so, is that gonna be all ya get today?  that i have been a slug for a couple months? i don't know.  looks like it.  cuz i have stuff to do.
maybe i will come back later after i get my business for the day taken care of.  we will see.  if not- i will back in the mornin.  hope to see you here.

y'all have happy days in your worlds today-- I will!

Thursday, February 4, 2016

it's a beautiful mornin'

Ola peeps -- third time's a charm right?  here I am, third day straight in my new reign of terror.  hmmm.  I don't think I have gone three days in a row since -- for lack of a better phrase-- fell off the wagon around here.
anyhow, I hope it's a good sign.
let's see if I can get back to my train of thought where i left off yesterday... it would be nice.  i was in such a frazzled state.  i was trying to get ready to get out the door, the kid was getting ready for work, the dogs were playing,  and i was trying to write to you all at the same time.  we all know it's hard enough for me to just write -- much less write with all that goin on.  so -- let's try again.
I'll set the scene ... things-- for now-- are as I like it.  the house is quiet -- which is rare these days--- but all I hear is the the fireplace -- and chewie breathing -- ahhhh.   hubby is at work.. so no worries of him walking up behind me from the bedroom-- my girl is upstairs asleep, and I assume will stay that way for hours.  I have my coffee and I like it this way.  I have little stress at the moment.  and --- ok-- that's as creative as i can get right now.
alright then -- where was I even at yesterday?  I know I was writing and ideas were just literally flying through my head.  things that were almost revelation like to me.  But - wouldn't ya know it?  I didn't have time.. or the ability at the moment -- because too much was going on -- to write it.  i couldn't get it out on here.  i so wish I could have.
It even got that way when I got in the car after leaving the house a few minutes later.  i had gone to spend the day with a friend -- i turned the music on.. and inspiration hit like the wind!!!!!  there was one moment that i literally had to pull my car over to the side of the road to WRITE!!!  my head was spinning with (only the writers out there will understand this part) -- words--- words that I had to get down on paper before i forgot them.  words, phrases... stanzas.
Let me tell you ALL --- THAT -- has NOT happened to me in literally years !!!  the writer in me has been stuffed in a black body bag in the corner of a dank basement for way too long.  i have had writers block to the point where i believed that I would never write again.  ever.  nothing.  not a poem, or a letter, or even here on this blog.  i literally couldn't write anything.  nothing ever sounded right.  until yesterday---  it was the craziest thing in the world.  i soooo wished i had all day to write.  but i didn't.  but i tell ya.  it was a start.  and it was Hope.  HOPE y'all.  that is Huge.  wow.  just huge.  it may seem small to 'you'.  but it is a miracle to me.

IF I remember correctly -- i said something about writing cryptic posts.  well.  i said more.  but yeh.. that was where i sort of left off.  because while I was writing.. so much 'came to me' -- that i realized just how much i need to write.  i've said it here before -- 'If I don't write, I'll die.'  a part of me Has died without writing.  a big part of me.  i want that part back.  it was a big part of who i AM.  NOT who I Used to be.  But who I AM.  once a writer -- Always a writer.
ok... i am off track.  stick with me.  I also said --- something about -- 'A return to Myself'.  ok.. well that's the big thing.  i guess. i need to be myself.  i haven't been myself.  and i miss Myself.   i'm beginning to see glimmers of me...recently.  only because i made a decision in the very recent past.  but this is where everything is gonna get cryptic.  so here is where i need you to just be patient and walk through this with me.  ok.  that is a question and a statement.  it is will you stick with me through this and  it's dammit if you don't stick with me through this it will make it a lot more difficult.  but hey-- ya know what? when i said that last part-- nevermind.  maybe i was just gonna try to be tough.  i was gonna say -- ' it won't be any more difficult on my own anyhow.' -- but you tell me somethin' -- is that my ego talking? see what i mean??? cryptic.  cryptic. cryptic. cryptic.

ok.  so.  here's what i'm gonna do for a minute.  only because that got a little weird for a minute.  some of you haven't seen me for a while. most of you have seen me on face book.. but some of you haven't seen me here , there, or even EVER.  so -- let me introduce you to my Chewie.  I won't say everything about her right here, right now -- but over time - you will learn that she has literally saved my life, and brought me back from the dead.
( the kid and her dog just got up-more about my kids dog later -- i love her but she is high energy -)

i bring you -- my Chewie -- she is my Service Dog (yes medically-and legally)

i love her -- she is amazing.  she is with me 24/7, and has even been on airplanes!
where I go-she goes.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Some things Never Change

hiya peeps--

yep, I had big plans for this morning's post.  my first full free morning - alone for writing.   hubby at work.. kid asleep --- dogs put up... and Chewie..well, she is the queen dog, she is never a problem.  just like old times.  yep.  that was my plan.  did it happen that way?  well, no.  because here I sit now -- feeling rushed.  the kid is now up -- her crazy crackhead dog is up running amok with mine in the back yard - my coffee is cold, which means I have to leave the comfort of my chair - to drag my owchy body to go get a re-fill.  it's also starting to get hot in here- so  i need to adjust the temp on the thermostat- (I would have added that I needed to remove this big ole throw off of me.. but  that's a given, because obviously, that goes when I get my self up -- right?  so much happening in just one few seconds since I signed on --  aren't ya glad you came by?  not much has changed around here.  I can still make your getting a cup of coffee entertaining for you.  BRB

--- well, I have finally returned , and would you believe that almost a full hour has passed?  I have switched , and folded & put away laundry, wrapped a birthday gift, balanced my checkbook, got dressed for the day, and washed my dishes since I left ---??

OH -- THAT is one thing that has changed since 'we haven't been regularly visiting'/blogging' --do 'Y'all' remember my horrible disdain for washing dishes ?      Well guess what?  I have been healed of that malady.  :))  I have become a normal person who can wash my dishes, and clean my kitchen with happy heart.   I bet that sounds unusual for you folks who don't really know me.. the way some others do.  But yes.  I don't think it was a pure and total change -- but a 'return' to myself.  because I wasn't always a hater of cleaning.  WHICH -- I must say -- brings me hope --- because -- there are other things that must be changed -- and THAT -- (Is THE key ---- and THIS is the MOMENT that it hit me .. and THAT is why i HAVE to start writing again you guys.   OMG.  

ok....  I don't know who-- if anyone.. maybe Val.. cuz you came by and know I'm back... but listen... I'm just gonna  spit it out -- kinda -- cuz the ONE thing that hasn't changed -- is my --- shit--- what's the word????  -- when I write.. and make no sense-- because I skirt around the issue and make the reader have to figure out what I'm saying??? help me out Charlotte...???  am I thinking of "Cryptic?
well that's what I will call it for now... anyhow -- yeh ... my cryptic -- cryptic posts -- because -- there is a lot I can't say full out loud right now.  k?

anyhow -- ... crap... now I lost my place... know why? cuz I'm in a hurry.  I have to go somewhere -- but-- I'll be back.. and I can say that and mean it this time..again.  cuz .. yeh.. OH yeh.. THAT reminds me -- yup right in the middle of my revalation!

check THIS out -- cept you VAl.. cuz you know --

but everyone else -- from the old group -- use this as motivation... let's ALL start blogging again.. k?  let's bring our old group back together.  don't y'all miss it.. still?  I don't know about you.. but Facebook just doesn't cut it for me.  Facebook is like making a relationship the way Kentucky Fried Chicken and McDonalds have turned into KFC and Micky D's -- when they shortened their names-- the quality of their food went downhill too.  I don't have time to explain that -- but if you know Me--you get it.

but (The rest of this is (speaking of shortcuts--shame on me--is copy/pasted--cuz I really do gotta GO---)--
it seems like 'Back then' -- when 'whatever' happened - it happened to the entire group - at the same time.  it's like it didn't even dwindle away -- it just imploded all at once - and the entire blog world - as 'WE' knew it was gone in an instant.  I know 'it' won't come back that fast -- or maybe ever be the same ... but how bout you and I - - and any others reading this who want to give it another go round -- let's make February be THE month to get back on track.  it takes 28 days to MAKE a habit -- guess what there's 28 days in February! -- yes, a few have gone already -- but there's time!   Blog your little hearts out- and make sure you let us know HERE that you have :) GO! 

(funny how that last paragraph just fell right into place)

I hope you ALL have Happy days in your worlds today -- I Will!

Monday, February 1, 2016


Hiya folks !
I hope this finds you well and happy.  Heck, I hope this simply finds you.  :))
Been a long time - again, hasn't it?  I haven't written, and I haven't cruised blogs, in a very long time. I can tell you this though - my disdain and resentment for Facebook has only grown over the recent years.  Blogging and talking back and forth on 'our' blogs brought me -- and many of You - so much joy  back in the day.  I miss it .  I miss it often.  That is probably why I have such a hard time writing on Facebook or even moreso Here on any sort of a regular basis.  BUT-- that is why I am Back now.  Because - I used to love it... and I DO miss it.  There are days -- many many many days that I will sit here and 'write blog posts - in my head' ... good ones.  what a waste.  If all the 'posts' that i have 'written in my head' .. would have made it to these pages.. this would still be a successful blog, and there would probably be several of you blogging again.   so -- maybe some of you will start again.  maybe not.  but that's ok.. that isn't why I'm back.  I'm back because I'm a writer, and I love to write.  I need a place for all the thoughts that fill my mind .  and ya know what else I miss about blogging?  I made people laugh.  i want to make people laugh again.  i want to make people FEEL.  I have an ability to do that.  some folks don't.  some folks don't have a desire to do that.  so.  I'm here.  I'm back.  And I hope I won't be on this new new journey by myself.  because ya know why?  well.  Stick around and and find out.  It's all in my head right now-- maybe you can help me figure out what to do with it.
there.  I just wrote my first post of 2016.  a full month late but it is here.  I have told myself (and not for the first time-- but for 2016 ) I old myself -- I WILL stick with it this time.  Blogging... will be part of my morning routine again.  if only for this year.  that's my goal.  I need a challenge in my life right now, and this seems like a good one .
does anyone want to join me? If so, let me know in the comments.
Also-- feel free to leave comments as you read along at coffee time.
just like the good ole days.
come back tomorrow, and I'll tell ya some of my upcoming plans.  I gots thangs ta do right now.  I just wanted to honor my commitment to myself and get this 'first' post up here.  Yay-- I did it.

Y'all have happy days in your worlds today - I will !