soul-soup

Top o' the mornin to ya !  grab a coffee, and sit right down .. this could get long.  speaking of coffee -- I'll be right back.

ok.. I'm back.  are we ready?  I am.  Coffee always makes me ready.  

actually, this post may be hard to get started.. as if you can't tell.  I have sat here every day , at least once, for the last week and attempted to write.  you all see how well that worked out.   well.  whatever happened to 'blabbathon soul' ?  Back in the day it never mattered what, who, or when, I was 'talking' about -- I sat down, and let my fingers do the walkin'.  ugh.  not now.  those days are long gone it seems.   dear ole facebook, and a few heart aches a long the way -- since 'the ole days' -- have really put a damper on my writing style.  I have become much more guarded in what or how much I'm willing to actually say/write here.  that is something I really hate.  and to be honest -- that is why I don't write here as much - or at all.   I feel very censored.  I'm not.  I know I'm not.  what's the worst that can happen if I write something --- that now feels 'not so PC'?  will the person that I might be wrting about disown me?  well who cares??? chances are --- if I have something that bad to say (which is or would be the TRUTH anyhow) -- then they A- are already out of my life -- or B - should be .   so WTF?    

aaaaahhhh.  the light bulb just went off for you didn't it?  there's someone I want to put on blast.  Is that what you just asked yourselves?  well, you would be right.  BUT --  really... what good would it do?  I could sit here and tell you the story of what happened... what was said before it happened... which is why i was so --- needlessly shocked -- when it did happen.  because I really should have expected it.  and ya know what? i did expect it.  i knew my questions were being evaded... 

oh nevermnd.  

the truth is -- someone just screwed up.  royally.   again.  but i am done.  i will never open myself up to this kind of bs again.  it -- or something like it happens every single time i am around this person.  I just can't and won't do it anymore.  

I thought my mother was dead -- but there is someone in my life who is so very much like her -- the relationship is toxic to me... and  as of a week ago - is now OVER.  She IS my mother incarnate.  I don't need that .  over the years I kept going back to it.. hoping for better.  hoping for change.  just like any other Abusive relationship.  well... NO MORE.  

So -- on the other side of things -- what have I been doing to cope with these things ?  these emotions that all of this crap has stirred in me?  I have become addicted to online auctions!  not ebay -- something better.   well, not really.  it is an addiction.  it's awful for me.  me-- little miss miser... who spends money on NOTHING... ever... is now spending money -- hundreds of dollars a week -- on SHIT.  shit that i intend to re-sell for profit... BUT i haven't listed ONE item to sell.  well -- I have -- and I did make money -- but that was a couple weeks ago ... i started small... at thrift stores... now it's different.  now it's the big time.  the hard stuff.  it's the Crack of 'Flipping shit'.  HELP ME.  I have shit all over my house !  like VCR's, DVD players... technical equipment that I can't identify--I only know that my research showed that if I payed 3.00 -- I could re-sell it for 300.00 ... WHAT is wrong with me?  and where do you think I get this stuff?  I have to go get it right?  yep-- I drive over 100 miles a DAY lately to pick up some of this stuff.  Soulman is going ape-shit.  

STOP THE MADNESS !!!

The struggle is real.

I'm Soul, and I'm a ass-ahoholic.

But wait. there's more --- there is a vacation in our future .  this much is good.  as long as I stop buying , and start selling some of this crap ....  we will be going to --- most likely California.  (subject to change at any time)  but for now that is where I am trying to plan things.  some time in October -- not too hot- not too cold....  we would fly to LA.. rent a car , then road trip the coast.  go to disney.. redwoods, san diego zoo.. san francisco.. Carmel.. (I have it written down, just can't think of it all right now -- and certainly not in that order.)  but yeh, that would be cool.  

Second choice? Florida-- Third choice -- Hawaii..VERY expensive to go there tho-- so it's prolly a hubby and me on a big anniversary or something.  I have also thought of Puerto Rico-- But all I can say is we are waaaay over due for a vacation.. and this year is the time we are gonna make up for lost time.  we are gonna do it up ! I can't wait!  (we'd be going sooner -- but hubby just took vacation to trial his dog :(

so.  what else is new in Soulland?  some other cool stuff.. I have found a couple cousins on Facebook -- from my dads side -- that I never even knew existed.  we get along great -- and I am glad to have found them.  I would like to plan a visit to go out there (east coast) and meet them.. and my other mck-clan members over there.  I've never met (in person) any of my cousins on that side.  all the aunts I met are 'gone' now.

so... that's about all I have time for right now. I just wanted to check in and get something on these empty lonely pages.  I really don't want to let this blog fade away like the last time.  There is still a shit ton of stuff I want to catch up on in here.  (update on).. that has happened over the last couple of years.  that's a lot of soul-spewing... you know you wanna see it.  I just need to write more, and try to get back in the groove.  i truly think I forgot how to write.  

oh well.  guess where I have to go?  yup -- to pick up auction stuff.  I have to drive 60 miles to pick up one item!  it better be worth it.  I paid 15.00 dollars for this.. it is two calibration gauges... if I play my cards right?? I should be able to turn that into a quick 150.00  -- well IF I get busy and list them for sale.  

Listing this crap is gonna take DAYS.  but if it pays off like I think it will-- it really will be totally worth it.  it's the stress of not knowing that is bothering me.  what if I just threw away all this time and money , for nothing?  it's the gambler in me i guess.  I don't gamble -- but my mom sure did.  

ok.. I better get goin... have some happy saturdays out there in your worlds !

see ya soon.

I should've Known Better

Ola --
so, here I am again.  I wasn't sure I would be back so soon.  Yesterday I 'thought' of writing here.  Of Course I did.  I Always Think of writing here.  It's the Actual writing part that never happens.  So there I was a few minutes ago, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, when I came across a post that I said -- AHA! Blog Fodder !!!  Yep.  I just had more to say than Facebook really allows, so I brought it here.  Where I can say as much or as little as i want -- about anything I want.  So -- there were actually Two topics of the day that had me goin on there this morning -- one? the movie that comes out this weekend 'Max:.... and Two -- Food Waste -- on a HUGE scale.  the latter is the one that brought me here, so that is the one I will start with.  as soon as I make more coffee. . .
there, i'm back.  ok .. yeh, I was screwin around on Facebook.. as if I have anything better to do , right? well, actually I do.. but am I doing any of it-- ummm, obviously not.  so.  i come across a post with a video on food waste.  Actually -- food waste in America -- due to some crazy regulations by how the supermarket standards are.  so because of that --- 40%  -- YEP -- 40% of our produce -- not to mention anything else we know of gets tossed out -- like we all know McDonalds throws away Breakfast food at lunch time.  I have Always been pissed about that - ever since I learned about it.  Why NOT have a homeless shelter van there waiting to pick it up???  UGH!
so yeh, i see that, about the produce getting tossed before it even has the opportunity to be sold-- much less seen by consumers.  Not even at a discount!  they just toss it.  compost it-- or whatever.  just because it isn't pretty?  OMG ! Don't even get me started on food waste. it has Forever been a peeve of mine.  if you  call it that.  it really pisses me off.  there is no "There are kids starving in China"..when it comes to this.  it's more like --- "There are kids starving in our own back yard !"    Not to mention the stuff I went through in my own life.  I could tell you stories that would literally make you cry -- real tears. -- but I won't do that.  But WTF is wrong with this country when WE are throwing away perfectly good food -- edible food --- when there are SO many -- Millions of people and places-- organizations -- that could use it????
Farmers, Grocers, Restaurants ----  AND even US as American Consumers --- ALL waste crazy amounts of perfectly good and useable food.  Food that could be used and appreciated by many people RIGHT HERE in our own neighborhoods.   We all may stand up to be first in line to send food and water to Africa -- or to some Disaster Victims in Cuba or Asia -- or even Florida --- but what about your down town shelter? or your next door neighbor?  where are the laws and regulations to protect these people?  where are the law makers to step in and say that a certain percentage of that 40 percent should be good or safe enough to go to hungry people -- to shelters, pantries , or some other 'program'?
if ANYONE knows who to go to -- tell me.  ok?  because I want to do something about this.



ok - so -- on to my next rant -- yup -- rough morning -- 'Pass the xanax !'
the movie MAX.  I can't wait to see it.  we've been waiting for months for it to come out.  it comes out Friday-- and we will be there .   BUT -- guess what has  put a damper on my excitement this morning on Facebook?  yep-- that damned Facebook.. again.  posts about how the movie MAX will glamorize the Belgian Malenois breed - and folks will rush out to get one -- not knowing what a pain in the ass they are -- and then they will flood Animal Shelters after they eat their house !  that WILL happen.  I Know that will happen, because we own two of these dogs, and we have owned them before.  they have more energy than they know what to do with.  they will literally EAT the siding off off your HOUSE!  they are not like any other breed of dog.  no amount of correction will stop them from their destruction.  the ONLY thing that will keep them from destroying your home , property and Body??? consistent exercise, obedience, and training.  and i DO mean Consistant -- daily -- all the time.  you cannot take a break.. you can not lock them up.  they need a handler -- not like a mommy or daddy -- they need a YOU. ARE. MY. HUMAN.  a HANDLER -- who WILL commit to them.  every free moment -- YOU must be loyal to recieve loyalty -- , and respect.  if these dogs don't respect you--- they let you know.  owning a malenois isn't like owning any other dog.  not like me owning Chewie -- or you owning Fido.  these dogs are used by Police for a reason.  they are Not meant to be house-pets.  they don't bring your slippers, and lay at your feet at night.  they chew nails and jump 6 foot fences --- for fun !  seriously.   I HAVE seen THIS.
there is a reason I got Chewie -- a Cane Corso -- and NOT a Malenois.  There is a reason YOU got Fido -- and NOT Max -- do not let a movie make you think that Godzilla can be Lassie after a couple of Obedience classes.  It just won't happen.  that's Hollywood baby.

I have real answers to real questions about these dogs in your house -- Hubby has real answers to real questions about training them-- IF you are serious about training a true working Malenois.  Don't get a Mal and let it end up in a shelter just because they are cute.  Research the breed. Ask questions from people who Know the breed , and Live with them,  train them, and LOVE them.  NOT just the people who Sell them.

phew--- I feel better now.  Any Questions?  :))

Does anybody Blog Anymore ?

Is There anybody out there ?
Maybe not -- but hopefully someday, someone will find this  blog again.  well, maybe not 'again' - New folks are welcomed too :)) .  The original blog here - used to be - in the beginning "Queen Earlene's Finest " - way back in the day. (Then there was Soul Survivor: , and Soul Is Surviving, - then something else - Now this) .  I had No idea what these pages would become, to or for me when I started writing here. Neither did I have an inkling what it might become to Others.  Simple daily Ramblings of my untamed mind thrown out onto a blank page and people were inspired.  Who knew that could even happen?  Certainly Not Me.  I also had no idea that I would ever abandon what had become such a huge part of my life. Not only did I abandon It--   I have deleted pages and chapters of it , - and, more importantly comments from readers  - Full conversations within these pages, some of which that went on for days .  I have completely Erased The Lifeblood of this blog -- and I have changed and blocked  Years worth of writings, and begun new Blog Titles with new hopes when people and life would change. I started worrying more about what other people thought - than what I wrote.  Every time I deleted posts, or pages, I 'thought ' I was protecting myself in some way.  I wasn't.  I didn't.  In the long run... I basically 'burned my first draft'.  yep.  MY BOOK... it was ALL right here.  along with YEARS of memories -- and so many GOOD ones.  MY Friends. Love and Laughter and compassion... and Growth.  Spiritual Growth.    If only I could bring  it all back .  If only I could bring back every deleted post-- every deleted comforting word from a friend - or stranger, every sarcastic , funny, or uplifting word of encouragement that changed my life in more ways than one.  Every Person who came by Every day  unknowingly inspired me to get out of bed each day during times I would have rather not taken that first breath at sunrise. --- Then what?  I guess it wouldn't change anything now, would it?  But it would be nice to see and read those things again.
Regardless, I grew up in this Blog.  Through these pages.  Through You and with you.  You all helped me through some of the hardest times of my life .  And you KNOW- I have had a Hard life.    You kept me sane, and you kept me alive.  Y'all gave me a reason to wake up.. to GETUP, to function in life.  When I have been physically and emotionally crippled -- I found the Mental strength - through YOU -- to GETUP - and Face this "Life -- On Life's Terms" , and to kick it back when it kicked me - .  You all have really helped me to become a better and stronger person -- even when you maybe thought you couldn't - or weren't helping.  You SO were.  There is so much I have done -- for myself and for others -- that I never would have even dreamed of --- without YOU.  I don't know what my life would be today without y'all.  I DO know that it would not be what it is.  It would be much worse, I'm sure.  You are all my angels, in your own way - and I am so happy that you are a part of my life ---  A wonderful , beautiful part of my life.