hiya peeps --
i just woke up in my chair. i'm barely awake as it is , just wanted to write something here before i start my day.
i was sittin here drinking coffee a while ago.. then just a minute ago i woke up. you know how that happens, when ya doze off, and don't really notice, right?
well, here i am, and i wake up in my chair... this is something that happens very often lately, at night.. i fall asleep in my chair and will wake up at 3 am, and waddle off to bed. well, just now when i woke up-- i i was about to start to gather my crap -- my phone, water, e-cig, etc.... when suddenly, i realize , it's friggin 10:10 AM-- and daytime.. time to be starting the day -- not ending it.
if I don't get this sleep problem fixed -- all the way fixed -- i am gonna obviously have a big a big problem. wow. that woulda ruined my entire day if i wouda just went back to bed at 10 in the morning.
grrrrrrrr.
anyhow -- y'all have happy days -- i will !
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Aint Nobody Got Time For That
howdy folks
how's things peoples? hope all is well. nope i haven't changed my ways in punctuation. hope ya don't mind. it takes too long to find the find the keys to capitalize -- i have to look down and then re- focus and all that jazz. nope -- can't do that. especially when i have a lot to say. yeh-- that hasn't been an issue lately -- but ya never know when inspiration might hit.
anyhow -- i do happen to be in a hurry right now-- i have less than an hour to write a post here - take a shower and get to the doctor. i have a lovely annual physical, and the dreaded pap today. oh gee, yes go ahead and add that, i'd love to go in and be seen like that. i would have said no thank you -- i'll have that another time - when the receptionist who made my appointment asked if i wanted it -- but -- as some of you know, i recently lost my best friend to cancer. well, it was (cervical) cancer. she had let ten years pass without having a pap done. ten friggin years. now i know none of us like to have these things done... but they really are necessary. especially for those of us who have a family history of issues in the female department. and i do. i have also had bad paps in the past -- so -- when she asked if i wanted to schedule it-- i said sure. and i am of course going to do this with a pure disdain and hate for the whole situation. i hate them. but i know it could save my life. i do this for those who love me. so -- you better appreciate it. :))
guess where else i'm going today?? one of my friends is actually trusting me enough to train her dog. i hope i am god enough to do that. i think i am. it's just that it's been a while. i trained chewie-- and i did a great job with her. this dog is a small breed.. a dachshund, i think. i'm not used to small dogs anymore. we are meeting later after the doctor. wish me luck on that. hopefully i can do it.
i would like to get another small dog for myself. another Min Pin, like Sushi. i love those dogs. they are so fun and cute.
i also was recently considering a yellow lab -- as a 'back up' service dog'. you know... to retire chewie and train a lab for my main service dog. i pretty much reconsidered that idea after a few days. the pro and con list is pretty evenly balanced -- but it's just not a good idea. at least not right now. maybe later on down the road somewhere.
well... anyhow -- i better get in the showah -- the doctah awaits. i do not want to go. yuk. in fact, if i had my druthers -- i'd ruther sit here and play on the computer for a while, and color for a few hours before having to move. ugh.
i sure have been tired lately. i have this weird insomnia thing goin on. i can be up alllll night long -- then sometimes fall asleep around ten am, wake up at 6 -- pm -- on a good night - bed at 12 -- be ok for a couple days -- then it'll hit again and i won't sleep until 'bed time the next day -- -- i don't know -- but it wipes me out. been goin on for maybe 2-3 months... maybe more. i hate it.
ok -- i really better go this time. catchya later --
have happy days in your worlds -- i will
how's things peoples? hope all is well. nope i haven't changed my ways in punctuation. hope ya don't mind. it takes too long to find the find the keys to capitalize -- i have to look down and then re- focus and all that jazz. nope -- can't do that. especially when i have a lot to say. yeh-- that hasn't been an issue lately -- but ya never know when inspiration might hit.
anyhow -- i do happen to be in a hurry right now-- i have less than an hour to write a post here - take a shower and get to the doctor. i have a lovely annual physical, and the dreaded pap today. oh gee, yes go ahead and add that, i'd love to go in and be seen like that. i would have said no thank you -- i'll have that another time - when the receptionist who made my appointment asked if i wanted it -- but -- as some of you know, i recently lost my best friend to cancer. well, it was (cervical) cancer. she had let ten years pass without having a pap done. ten friggin years. now i know none of us like to have these things done... but they really are necessary. especially for those of us who have a family history of issues in the female department. and i do. i have also had bad paps in the past -- so -- when she asked if i wanted to schedule it-- i said sure. and i am of course going to do this with a pure disdain and hate for the whole situation. i hate them. but i know it could save my life. i do this for those who love me. so -- you better appreciate it. :))
guess where else i'm going today?? one of my friends is actually trusting me enough to train her dog. i hope i am god enough to do that. i think i am. it's just that it's been a while. i trained chewie-- and i did a great job with her. this dog is a small breed.. a dachshund, i think. i'm not used to small dogs anymore. we are meeting later after the doctor. wish me luck on that. hopefully i can do it.
i would like to get another small dog for myself. another Min Pin, like Sushi. i love those dogs. they are so fun and cute.
i also was recently considering a yellow lab -- as a 'back up' service dog'. you know... to retire chewie and train a lab for my main service dog. i pretty much reconsidered that idea after a few days. the pro and con list is pretty evenly balanced -- but it's just not a good idea. at least not right now. maybe later on down the road somewhere.
well... anyhow -- i better get in the showah -- the doctah awaits. i do not want to go. yuk. in fact, if i had my druthers -- i'd ruther sit here and play on the computer for a while, and color for a few hours before having to move. ugh.
i sure have been tired lately. i have this weird insomnia thing goin on. i can be up alllll night long -- then sometimes fall asleep around ten am, wake up at 6 -- pm -- on a good night - bed at 12 -- be ok for a couple days -- then it'll hit again and i won't sleep until 'bed time the next day -- -- i don't know -- but it wipes me out. been goin on for maybe 2-3 months... maybe more. i hate it.
ok -- i really better go this time. catchya later --
have happy days in your worlds -- i will
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
i must go to bed
hi y'all. it might be better i just skip this -- but for me, it's better to post at least a quick 'Goodnight". so. I am gonna do that.
i have had NO sleep, and am exhausted. sitting here falling asleep, and am on my way to bed after i do this. but anyhow yep -- my insomnia has been just stupid lately. i think i need to talk to a dr about it. it has never been as bad as it has been this last few months. ugh boy.
but yeh... i'll be back tomorrow. y'all sleep well... i sure hope I do-
G'nighty yo :)
i have had NO sleep, and am exhausted. sitting here falling asleep, and am on my way to bed after i do this. but anyhow yep -- my insomnia has been just stupid lately. i think i need to talk to a dr about it. it has never been as bad as it has been this last few months. ugh boy.
but yeh... i'll be back tomorrow. y'all sleep well... i sure hope I do-
G'nighty yo :)
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
It Happens Every Time
hi peoples --
yep -- not only did i miss a day - but i'm late -- and not only am i late -- every time i tried to get in here and write something -- something happened to interrupt or stop me. otherwise, i woulda had a post written and up 2 or 3 hours ago.. at least. but noooo. i am me afterall. remember?
so anyhow. yeh, i'm pretty disappointed about not blogging yesterday. I intended to, but i was really busy. right now i couldn't tell you what i was busy doing, but i was busy doing something. lots of somethings.
SO. Strike One for me. just in case anyone is counting.
as for today ? i bet i tried and failed fifteen times (including thoughts - along with actual attempts) to write a post today. just couldn't do it. i got interrupted one way or another - every time. this time? i pushed through -- even though , as soon as I opened the page to write --- messages binged and the phone rang -- yes-- at the same time. no idea why i had so many distractions , but i did.
and i can say too, that with all these distractions come even more distractions..... like being unable to focus - or think. because i keep waiting for the next interruption. ugh. sooo frustrating.
anyhow. where shall i begin?
today. today has not been a bad day. it's been a very busy day. nearly non-stop til around 5. i didn't even realize how busy i was, or how fast the day had gone until i finally sat down to catch my breath and have a glass of water. i looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked to see that it was nearly 4:56. crazy. it was a successful day though. i did get a lot accomplished. which is more than i can say for many of my days in the recent past. so yeh. kudos to me.
hubs got home shortly after that - and we went to dinner -- mexican food. i love mexican food... but i gotta say -- the mexican food here in north texas, isn't as good as the mexican food in south texas or in california. i wish it was. i miss that kinda mexican food. and would someone tell me.... WTH is texican food? cuz it tastes like shitinacan food.
my trip to chicago is getting closer. i am getting so excited . i wish i could go right now! i could actually -- well, i could Have. but now, my ticket is bought. so i can't. and the dates i chose are the days my sister will be there too. that's why i picked those specific dates - is so i could see her as well as the rest of the kids.
but yup-- gettin some ants in my pants about that.
ugh. there is just nothin to write about right now. there is. but there isn't.
so- seein as i'm watching a movie, i reckon i shall put you out of your misery and sign off for now. maybe in the morning i will have something a bit more substantial to say.
thanks for coming by-- gnight
yep -- not only did i miss a day - but i'm late -- and not only am i late -- every time i tried to get in here and write something -- something happened to interrupt or stop me. otherwise, i woulda had a post written and up 2 or 3 hours ago.. at least. but noooo. i am me afterall. remember?
so anyhow. yeh, i'm pretty disappointed about not blogging yesterday. I intended to, but i was really busy. right now i couldn't tell you what i was busy doing, but i was busy doing something. lots of somethings.
SO. Strike One for me. just in case anyone is counting.
as for today ? i bet i tried and failed fifteen times (including thoughts - along with actual attempts) to write a post today. just couldn't do it. i got interrupted one way or another - every time. this time? i pushed through -- even though , as soon as I opened the page to write --- messages binged and the phone rang -- yes-- at the same time. no idea why i had so many distractions , but i did.
and i can say too, that with all these distractions come even more distractions..... like being unable to focus - or think. because i keep waiting for the next interruption. ugh. sooo frustrating.
anyhow. where shall i begin?
today. today has not been a bad day. it's been a very busy day. nearly non-stop til around 5. i didn't even realize how busy i was, or how fast the day had gone until i finally sat down to catch my breath and have a glass of water. i looked at the clock on the wall and was shocked to see that it was nearly 4:56. crazy. it was a successful day though. i did get a lot accomplished. which is more than i can say for many of my days in the recent past. so yeh. kudos to me.
hubs got home shortly after that - and we went to dinner -- mexican food. i love mexican food... but i gotta say -- the mexican food here in north texas, isn't as good as the mexican food in south texas or in california. i wish it was. i miss that kinda mexican food. and would someone tell me.... WTH is texican food? cuz it tastes like shitinacan food.
my trip to chicago is getting closer. i am getting so excited . i wish i could go right now! i could actually -- well, i could Have. but now, my ticket is bought. so i can't. and the dates i chose are the days my sister will be there too. that's why i picked those specific dates - is so i could see her as well as the rest of the kids.
but yup-- gettin some ants in my pants about that.
ugh. there is just nothin to write about right now. there is. but there isn't.
so- seein as i'm watching a movie, i reckon i shall put you out of your misery and sign off for now. maybe in the morning i will have something a bit more substantial to say.
thanks for coming by-- gnight
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Confessions
hiya --
here I am... six days straight. that may be nothin to you--but it is somethin to me. i know i haven't written really anything substantial, but i have written- and sticking to a commitment like that is something that i have not done in a very long time. the closest i have come to a 'daily' commitment has been cleaning my house -- and even then, i have to say -- i bet i didn't go to the 6th day without skipping at least one. so yay for me.
anyhow -- let's see if i can get anything decent down in here today. i am hoping that i will, because every day since i started (this time) i was interrupted , and rushed, and on my way to get ready to go somewhere. which also .. is something kinda new for me. because -- like i said-- i am in the recent couple of weeks working towards change. because, i have allowed myself --- not so much to get depressed -- but to stagnate sort of. to stop my life in its tracks. (until just recently) - not posting or talking on face book... not going out with my friends -- not taking Chewie out to do things... i wasn't doing my chores - until i let the house get bad enough that it made me mad to look at it. all i was doing was sitting on my ass all day long.. and coloring in adult coloring books, with the tv on. --- for weeks ! i binge watched Breaking Bad -- all the way through -- I binge watched House, - all the way through... i watched a show called IZombie (you may not have heard of that one-- it's actually good ) two seasons worth . --- I literally spent probably ten hours or more a day coloring while watching tv.. every day -- for WEEKS.
Ridiculous.
this started when i sensed the impending loss of my best friend since childhood ... and it didn't stop until sometime in this last 2 weeks or so.
sometime in December -- until basically now. my life stopped. For Grief. Nope. it's not the first time. i do not, have not-- and may never- handle grief well. i just do not and cannot do it. i will say though... this last little trip inside myself was prolly the shortest. so-- that's growth. and i have to say that I learned from it. and not only did i learn things about myself on this journey --- i learned about just every person in my life. ---- who they are -- what they mean to me -- how much they mean to me . i learned also that it isn't only the finality of death for me to lose a precious friend.
in my recent weeks of solace - i have been thinking of the many friends that i have pushed away in the times that i have crawled into my cave and stayed there too long. not communicating. being a hermit. i understand now that a person can only take that kind of treatment for just so long. most of you understand that i am just that way -- and that i DO come around and come out of my cave eventually -- and i never stop loving you during those times. you know that even when i am in those 'dark times' that if ANY one of you ever need me for anything i would BE anywhere in this world for you in a heartbeat . but - maybe some of you don't know that. and you just shouldn't be left to feel that way. for those of you who i have made feel that way -- i deeply and purely apologize.
ok. so on that note - i better get UP. i got thangs to do.
y'all have happy days in your worlds today --- I Will
here I am... six days straight. that may be nothin to you--but it is somethin to me. i know i haven't written really anything substantial, but i have written- and sticking to a commitment like that is something that i have not done in a very long time. the closest i have come to a 'daily' commitment has been cleaning my house -- and even then, i have to say -- i bet i didn't go to the 6th day without skipping at least one. so yay for me.
anyhow -- let's see if i can get anything decent down in here today. i am hoping that i will, because every day since i started (this time) i was interrupted , and rushed, and on my way to get ready to go somewhere. which also .. is something kinda new for me. because -- like i said-- i am in the recent couple of weeks working towards change. because, i have allowed myself --- not so much to get depressed -- but to stagnate sort of. to stop my life in its tracks. (until just recently) - not posting or talking on face book... not going out with my friends -- not taking Chewie out to do things... i wasn't doing my chores - until i let the house get bad enough that it made me mad to look at it. all i was doing was sitting on my ass all day long.. and coloring in adult coloring books, with the tv on. --- for weeks ! i binge watched Breaking Bad -- all the way through -- I binge watched House, - all the way through... i watched a show called IZombie (you may not have heard of that one-- it's actually good ) two seasons worth . --- I literally spent probably ten hours or more a day coloring while watching tv.. every day -- for WEEKS.
Ridiculous.
this started when i sensed the impending loss of my best friend since childhood ... and it didn't stop until sometime in this last 2 weeks or so.
sometime in December -- until basically now. my life stopped. For Grief. Nope. it's not the first time. i do not, have not-- and may never- handle grief well. i just do not and cannot do it. i will say though... this last little trip inside myself was prolly the shortest. so-- that's growth. and i have to say that I learned from it. and not only did i learn things about myself on this journey --- i learned about just every person in my life. ---- who they are -- what they mean to me -- how much they mean to me . i learned also that it isn't only the finality of death for me to lose a precious friend.
in my recent weeks of solace - i have been thinking of the many friends that i have pushed away in the times that i have crawled into my cave and stayed there too long. not communicating. being a hermit. i understand now that a person can only take that kind of treatment for just so long. most of you understand that i am just that way -- and that i DO come around and come out of my cave eventually -- and i never stop loving you during those times. you know that even when i am in those 'dark times' that if ANY one of you ever need me for anything i would BE anywhere in this world for you in a heartbeat . but - maybe some of you don't know that. and you just shouldn't be left to feel that way. for those of you who i have made feel that way -- i deeply and purely apologize.
ok. so on that note - i better get UP. i got thangs to do.
y'all have happy days in your worlds today --- I Will
Saturday, February 6, 2016
I'm late but I'm here
howdy folks !
how was y'alls days? I hope you didn't waste much time looking for me today? I was too busy to get in here before now. I was tempted to wait until tomorrow, but I couldn't get relaxed enough to not blog. that is a good sign. not a full week into my commitment and it's working! so--- here I am. unfortunately, I don't a lot to say. hang in there though... it won't be much longer til i get back in the groove and i get this thing going smooth again.
anyhow -- did I tell you I'm gettin ready to go to Chicago to visit my family soon? cuz I am. and I am very excited about that. i was there almost 2 years ago i guess? since then, my nephew and his wife who live there have had a new baby boy, and he is having his first birthday already during the time i will be there. Isn't that exciting?? it is to me. I tell ya ,, when I went out there last time to visit I was hangin by a thread emotionally, and that 'baby love' , and seeing my nephew, and my sister, was total healing for me. there's just nothing like it. i can't even explain the way it made me feel inside. i won't even try. i just know that i can't wait to get to get there. there's just something about being near your kin. and baby love. man oh man.
obviously--this pic is a year old -- but here are the babies I'm goin to see --- the boys are Mason, and - Issac (the new one is Issac)- the girl is Hayden. they are soooo damn sweet i can't stand it!!!!
they live in Chicago- like I said, and I just can't handle that kinda cold weather. so , even if it was possible, i couldn't move closer to them, because the weather would kill me. on the other hand -- my older nephew -- he has a baby boy too -- he's goin 3 (I think) and they also have a new baby on the way -- they live in Florida :)) Now THAT could happen. maybe someday, if circumstances changed. ya just never know.
Look at this boy -- Conrad -- the Rad man---
ohmahgoshkness....
i just can't stand it....
ok. well, on that note, i must go to bed.
see ya tomorrow.
gnite.
how was y'alls days? I hope you didn't waste much time looking for me today? I was too busy to get in here before now. I was tempted to wait until tomorrow, but I couldn't get relaxed enough to not blog. that is a good sign. not a full week into my commitment and it's working! so--- here I am. unfortunately, I don't a lot to say. hang in there though... it won't be much longer til i get back in the groove and i get this thing going smooth again.
anyhow -- did I tell you I'm gettin ready to go to Chicago to visit my family soon? cuz I am. and I am very excited about that. i was there almost 2 years ago i guess? since then, my nephew and his wife who live there have had a new baby boy, and he is having his first birthday already during the time i will be there. Isn't that exciting?? it is to me. I tell ya ,, when I went out there last time to visit I was hangin by a thread emotionally, and that 'baby love' , and seeing my nephew, and my sister, was total healing for me. there's just nothing like it. i can't even explain the way it made me feel inside. i won't even try. i just know that i can't wait to get to get there. there's just something about being near your kin. and baby love. man oh man.
obviously--this pic is a year old -- but here are the babies I'm goin to see --- the boys are Mason, and - Issac (the new one is Issac)- the girl is Hayden. they are soooo damn sweet i can't stand it!!!!
they live in Chicago- like I said, and I just can't handle that kinda cold weather. so , even if it was possible, i couldn't move closer to them, because the weather would kill me. on the other hand -- my older nephew -- he has a baby boy too -- he's goin 3 (I think) and they also have a new baby on the way -- they live in Florida :)) Now THAT could happen. maybe someday, if circumstances changed. ya just never know.
Look at this boy -- Conrad -- the Rad man---
ohmahgoshkness....
i just can't stand it....
ok. well, on that note, i must go to bed.
see ya tomorrow.
gnite.
Friday, February 5, 2016
short n to the dull point
guten morgen to you---
I don't have much to say -- but that's ok- i don't have much time to write anyhow. i just wanted to pop in and say something... just because -- i'm trying to keep on track of writing every day. so far - so good... so i gotta keep it up.
i have actually, not just been working on blogging every day -- but it's an entire routine thing. because... for the last long while, my entire days - life--have gone to shit. i have literally found that i can, and do- sit in my chair for the entire day - from morning til night - and do absolutely nothing . i color . i actually color all day , unless i absolutely have to go or do something. part of that has to do with grief. i will let you know that. in fact i pretty much have some valid reasons --- this time... for my slugness. perhaps these things will come to light for you-- if there is a you -- in the near future. but anyhow --- as usual... just as i am gettin loosened up-- the kid walks through and i lose my train of thought. hmmmmmmm
shit.
ok.
so, is that gonna be all ya get today? that i have been a slug for a couple months? i don't know. looks like it. cuz i have stuff to do.
maybe i will come back later after i get my business for the day taken care of. we will see. if not- i will back in the mornin. hope to see you here.
y'all have happy days in your worlds today-- I will!
I don't have much to say -- but that's ok- i don't have much time to write anyhow. i just wanted to pop in and say something... just because -- i'm trying to keep on track of writing every day. so far - so good... so i gotta keep it up.
i have actually, not just been working on blogging every day -- but it's an entire routine thing. because... for the last long while, my entire days - life--have gone to shit. i have literally found that i can, and do- sit in my chair for the entire day - from morning til night - and do absolutely nothing . i color . i actually color all day , unless i absolutely have to go or do something. part of that has to do with grief. i will let you know that. in fact i pretty much have some valid reasons --- this time... for my slugness. perhaps these things will come to light for you-- if there is a you -- in the near future. but anyhow --- as usual... just as i am gettin loosened up-- the kid walks through and i lose my train of thought. hmmmmmmm
shit.
ok.
so, is that gonna be all ya get today? that i have been a slug for a couple months? i don't know. looks like it. cuz i have stuff to do.
maybe i will come back later after i get my business for the day taken care of. we will see. if not- i will back in the mornin. hope to see you here.
y'all have happy days in your worlds today-- I will!
Thursday, February 4, 2016
it's a beautiful mornin'
Ola peeps -- third time's a charm right? here I am, third day straight in my new reign of terror. hmmm. I don't think I have gone three days in a row since -- for lack of a better phrase-- fell off the wagon around here.
anyhow, I hope it's a good sign.
let's see if I can get back to my train of thought where i left off yesterday... it would be nice. i was in such a frazzled state. i was trying to get ready to get out the door, the kid was getting ready for work, the dogs were playing, and i was trying to write to you all at the same time. we all know it's hard enough for me to just write -- much less write with all that goin on. so -- let's try again.
I'll set the scene ... things-- for now-- are as I like it. the house is quiet -- which is rare these days--- but all I hear is the the fireplace -- and chewie breathing -- ahhhh. hubby is at work.. so no worries of him walking up behind me from the bedroom-- my girl is upstairs asleep, and I assume will stay that way for hours. I have my coffee and I like it this way. I have little stress at the moment. and --- ok-- that's as creative as i can get right now.
alright then -- where was I even at yesterday? I know I was writing and ideas were just literally flying through my head. things that were almost revelation like to me. But - wouldn't ya know it? I didn't have time.. or the ability at the moment -- because too much was going on -- to write it. i couldn't get it out on here. i so wish I could have.
It even got that way when I got in the car after leaving the house a few minutes later. i had gone to spend the day with a friend -- i turned the music on.. and inspiration hit like the wind!!!!! there was one moment that i literally had to pull my car over to the side of the road to WRITE!!! my head was spinning with (only the writers out there will understand this part) -- words--- words that I had to get down on paper before i forgot them. words, phrases... stanzas.
Let me tell you ALL --- THAT -- has NOT happened to me in literally years !!! the writer in me has been stuffed in a black body bag in the corner of a dank basement for way too long. i have had writers block to the point where i believed that I would never write again. ever. nothing. not a poem, or a letter, or even here on this blog. i literally couldn't write anything. nothing ever sounded right. until yesterday--- it was the craziest thing in the world. i soooo wished i had all day to write. but i didn't. but i tell ya. it was a start. and it was Hope. HOPE y'all. that is Huge. wow. just huge. it may seem small to 'you'. but it is a miracle to me.
IF I remember correctly -- i said something about writing cryptic posts. well. i said more. but yeh.. that was where i sort of left off. because while I was writing.. so much 'came to me' -- that i realized just how much i need to write. i've said it here before -- 'If I don't write, I'll die.' a part of me Has died without writing. a big part of me. i want that part back. it was a big part of who i AM. NOT who I Used to be. But who I AM. once a writer -- Always a writer.
ok... i am off track. stick with me. I also said --- something about -- 'A return to Myself'. ok.. well that's the big thing. i guess. i need to be myself. i haven't been myself. and i miss Myself. i'm beginning to see glimmers of me...recently. only because i made a decision in the very recent past. but this is where everything is gonna get cryptic. so here is where i need you to just be patient and walk through this with me. ok. that is a question and a statement. it is will you stick with me through this and it's dammit if you don't stick with me through this it will make it a lot more difficult. but hey-- ya know what? when i said that last part-- nevermind. maybe i was just gonna try to be tough. i was gonna say -- ' it won't be any more difficult on my own anyhow.' -- but you tell me somethin' -- is that my ego talking? see what i mean??? cryptic. cryptic. cryptic. cryptic.
ok. so. here's what i'm gonna do for a minute. only because that got a little weird for a minute. some of you haven't seen me for a while. most of you have seen me on face book.. but some of you haven't seen me here , there, or even EVER. so -- let me introduce you to my Chewie. I won't say everything about her right here, right now -- but over time - you will learn that she has literally saved my life, and brought me back from the dead.
( the kid and her dog just got up-more about my kids dog later -- i love her but she is high energy -)
i bring you -- my Chewie -- she is my Service Dog (yes medically-and legally)
i love her -- she is amazing. she is with me 24/7, and has even been on airplanes!
where I go-she goes.
anyhow, I hope it's a good sign.
let's see if I can get back to my train of thought where i left off yesterday... it would be nice. i was in such a frazzled state. i was trying to get ready to get out the door, the kid was getting ready for work, the dogs were playing, and i was trying to write to you all at the same time. we all know it's hard enough for me to just write -- much less write with all that goin on. so -- let's try again.
I'll set the scene ... things-- for now-- are as I like it. the house is quiet -- which is rare these days--- but all I hear is the the fireplace -- and chewie breathing -- ahhhh. hubby is at work.. so no worries of him walking up behind me from the bedroom-- my girl is upstairs asleep, and I assume will stay that way for hours. I have my coffee and I like it this way. I have little stress at the moment. and --- ok-- that's as creative as i can get right now.
alright then -- where was I even at yesterday? I know I was writing and ideas were just literally flying through my head. things that were almost revelation like to me. But - wouldn't ya know it? I didn't have time.. or the ability at the moment -- because too much was going on -- to write it. i couldn't get it out on here. i so wish I could have.
It even got that way when I got in the car after leaving the house a few minutes later. i had gone to spend the day with a friend -- i turned the music on.. and inspiration hit like the wind!!!!! there was one moment that i literally had to pull my car over to the side of the road to WRITE!!! my head was spinning with (only the writers out there will understand this part) -- words--- words that I had to get down on paper before i forgot them. words, phrases... stanzas.
Let me tell you ALL --- THAT -- has NOT happened to me in literally years !!! the writer in me has been stuffed in a black body bag in the corner of a dank basement for way too long. i have had writers block to the point where i believed that I would never write again. ever. nothing. not a poem, or a letter, or even here on this blog. i literally couldn't write anything. nothing ever sounded right. until yesterday--- it was the craziest thing in the world. i soooo wished i had all day to write. but i didn't. but i tell ya. it was a start. and it was Hope. HOPE y'all. that is Huge. wow. just huge. it may seem small to 'you'. but it is a miracle to me.
IF I remember correctly -- i said something about writing cryptic posts. well. i said more. but yeh.. that was where i sort of left off. because while I was writing.. so much 'came to me' -- that i realized just how much i need to write. i've said it here before -- 'If I don't write, I'll die.' a part of me Has died without writing. a big part of me. i want that part back. it was a big part of who i AM. NOT who I Used to be. But who I AM. once a writer -- Always a writer.
ok... i am off track. stick with me. I also said --- something about -- 'A return to Myself'. ok.. well that's the big thing. i guess. i need to be myself. i haven't been myself. and i miss Myself. i'm beginning to see glimmers of me...recently. only because i made a decision in the very recent past. but this is where everything is gonna get cryptic. so here is where i need you to just be patient and walk through this with me. ok. that is a question and a statement. it is will you stick with me through this and it's dammit if you don't stick with me through this it will make it a lot more difficult. but hey-- ya know what? when i said that last part-- nevermind. maybe i was just gonna try to be tough. i was gonna say -- ' it won't be any more difficult on my own anyhow.' -- but you tell me somethin' -- is that my ego talking? see what i mean??? cryptic. cryptic. cryptic. cryptic.
ok. so. here's what i'm gonna do for a minute. only because that got a little weird for a minute. some of you haven't seen me for a while. most of you have seen me on face book.. but some of you haven't seen me here , there, or even EVER. so -- let me introduce you to my Chewie. I won't say everything about her right here, right now -- but over time - you will learn that she has literally saved my life, and brought me back from the dead.
( the kid and her dog just got up-more about my kids dog later -- i love her but she is high energy -)
i bring you -- my Chewie -- she is my Service Dog (yes medically-and legally)
i love her -- she is amazing. she is with me 24/7, and has even been on airplanes!
where I go-she goes.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Some things Never Change
hiya peeps--
yep, I had big plans for this morning's post. my first full free morning - alone for writing. hubby at work.. kid asleep --- dogs put up... and Chewie..well, she is the queen dog, she is never a problem. just like old times. yep. that was my plan. did it happen that way? well, no. because here I sit now -- feeling rushed. the kid is now up -- her crazy crackhead dog is up running amok with mine in the back yard - my coffee is cold, which means I have to leave the comfort of my chair - to drag my owchy body to go get a re-fill. it's also starting to get hot in here- so i need to adjust the temp on the thermostat- (I would have added that I needed to remove this big ole throw off of me.. but that's a given, because obviously, that goes when I get my self up -- right? so much happening in just one few seconds since I signed on -- aren't ya glad you came by? not much has changed around here. I can still make your getting a cup of coffee entertaining for you. BRB
--- well, I have finally returned , and would you believe that almost a full hour has passed? I have switched , and folded & put away laundry, wrapped a birthday gift, balanced my checkbook, got dressed for the day, and washed my dishes since I left ---??
OH -- THAT is one thing that has changed since 'we haven't been regularly visiting'/blogging' --do 'Y'all' remember my horrible disdain for washing dishes ? Well guess what? I have been healed of that malady. :)) I have become a normal person who can wash my dishes, and clean my kitchen with happy heart. I bet that sounds unusual for you folks who don't really know me.. the way some others do. But yes. I don't think it was a pure and total change -- but a 'return' to myself. because I wasn't always a hater of cleaning. WHICH -- I must say -- brings me hope --- because -- there are other things that must be changed -- and THAT -- (Is THE key ---- and THIS is the MOMENT that it hit me .. and THAT is why i HAVE to start writing again you guys. OMG.
ok.... I don't know who-- if anyone.. maybe Val.. cuz you came by and know I'm back... but listen... I'm just gonna spit it out -- kinda -- cuz the ONE thing that hasn't changed -- is my --- shit--- what's the word???? -- when I write.. and make no sense-- because I skirt around the issue and make the reader have to figure out what I'm saying??? help me out Charlotte...??? am I thinking of "Cryptic?
well that's what I will call it for now... anyhow -- yeh ... my cryptic -- cryptic posts -- because -- there is a lot I can't say full out loud right now. k?
anyhow -- ... crap... now I lost my place... know why? cuz I'm in a hurry. I have to go somewhere -- but-- I'll be back.. and I can say that and mean it this time..again. cuz .. yeh.. OH yeh.. THAT reminds me -- yup right in the middle of my revalation!
check THIS out -- cept you VAl.. cuz you know --
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
but everyone else -- from the old group -- use this as motivation... let's ALL start blogging again.. k? let's bring our old group back together. don't y'all miss it.. still? I don't know about you.. but Facebook just doesn't cut it for me. Facebook is like making a relationship the way Kentucky Fried Chicken and McDonalds have turned into KFC and Micky D's -- when they shortened their names-- the quality of their food went downhill too. I don't have time to explain that -- but if you know Me--you get it.
but (The rest of this is (speaking of shortcuts--shame on me--is copy/pasted--cuz I really do gotta GO---)--
it seems like 'Back then' -- when 'whatever' happened - it happened to the entire group - at the same time. it's like it didn't even dwindle away -- it just imploded all at once - and the entire blog world - as 'WE' knew it was gone in an instant. I know 'it' won't come back that fast -- or maybe ever be the same ... but how bout you and I - - and any others reading this who want to give it another go round -- let's make February be THE month to get back on track. it takes 28 days to MAKE a habit -- guess what there's 28 days in February! -- yes, a few have gone already -- but there's time! Blog your little hearts out- and make sure you let us know HERE that you have :) GO!
(funny how that last paragraph just fell right into place)
I hope you ALL have Happy days in your worlds today -- I Will!
Monday, February 1, 2016
NEW YEAR -- NEW BLOG --
Hiya folks !
I hope this finds you well and happy. Heck, I hope this simply finds you. :))
Been a long time - again, hasn't it? I haven't written, and I haven't cruised blogs, in a very long time. I can tell you this though - my disdain and resentment for Facebook has only grown over the recent years. Blogging and talking back and forth on 'our' blogs brought me -- and many of You - so much joy back in the day. I miss it . I miss it often. That is probably why I have such a hard time writing on Facebook or even moreso Here on any sort of a regular basis. BUT-- that is why I am Back now. Because - I used to love it... and I DO miss it. There are days -- many many many days that I will sit here and 'write blog posts - in my head' ... good ones. what a waste. If all the 'posts' that i have 'written in my head' .. would have made it to these pages.. this would still be a successful blog, and there would probably be several of you blogging again. so -- maybe some of you will start again. maybe not. but that's ok.. that isn't why I'm back. I'm back because I'm a writer, and I love to write. I need a place for all the thoughts that fill my mind . and ya know what else I miss about blogging? I made people laugh. i want to make people laugh again. i want to make people FEEL. I have an ability to do that. some folks don't. some folks don't have a desire to do that. so. I'm here. I'm back. And I hope I won't be on this new new journey by myself. because ya know why? well. Stick around and and find out. It's all in my head right now-- maybe you can help me figure out what to do with it.
there. I just wrote my first post of 2016. a full month late but it is here. I have told myself (and not for the first time-- but for 2016 ) I old myself -- I WILL stick with it this time. Blogging... will be part of my morning routine again. if only for this year. that's my goal. I need a challenge in my life right now, and this seems like a good one .
does anyone want to join me? If so, let me know in the comments.
Also-- feel free to leave comments as you read along at coffee time.
just like the good ole days.
come back tomorrow, and I'll tell ya some of my upcoming plans. I gots thangs ta do right now. I just wanted to honor my commitment to myself and get this 'first' post up here. Yay-- I did it.
Y'all have happy days in your worlds today - I will !
I hope this finds you well and happy. Heck, I hope this simply finds you. :))
Been a long time - again, hasn't it? I haven't written, and I haven't cruised blogs, in a very long time. I can tell you this though - my disdain and resentment for Facebook has only grown over the recent years. Blogging and talking back and forth on 'our' blogs brought me -- and many of You - so much joy back in the day. I miss it . I miss it often. That is probably why I have such a hard time writing on Facebook or even moreso Here on any sort of a regular basis. BUT-- that is why I am Back now. Because - I used to love it... and I DO miss it. There are days -- many many many days that I will sit here and 'write blog posts - in my head' ... good ones. what a waste. If all the 'posts' that i have 'written in my head' .. would have made it to these pages.. this would still be a successful blog, and there would probably be several of you blogging again. so -- maybe some of you will start again. maybe not. but that's ok.. that isn't why I'm back. I'm back because I'm a writer, and I love to write. I need a place for all the thoughts that fill my mind . and ya know what else I miss about blogging? I made people laugh. i want to make people laugh again. i want to make people FEEL. I have an ability to do that. some folks don't. some folks don't have a desire to do that. so. I'm here. I'm back. And I hope I won't be on this new new journey by myself. because ya know why? well. Stick around and and find out. It's all in my head right now-- maybe you can help me figure out what to do with it.
there. I just wrote my first post of 2016. a full month late but it is here. I have told myself (and not for the first time-- but for 2016 ) I old myself -- I WILL stick with it this time. Blogging... will be part of my morning routine again. if only for this year. that's my goal. I need a challenge in my life right now, and this seems like a good one .
does anyone want to join me? If so, let me know in the comments.
Also-- feel free to leave comments as you read along at coffee time.
just like the good ole days.
come back tomorrow, and I'll tell ya some of my upcoming plans. I gots thangs ta do right now. I just wanted to honor my commitment to myself and get this 'first' post up here. Yay-- I did it.
Y'all have happy days in your worlds today - I will !
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